[Part I - Completed] [Part II - Ongoing]
Ellen (El), 24, works at a diner to make ends meet. She loves to draw and draws inspiration from tattoos and graffitis. Between balancing her job and her passion, she also has a crush on a mystery girl who vi...
"Thanks for coming, Victor." The steely silence was finally broken by my cracked voice. One could easily guess that I had been crying for the better part of the last few hours after hearing me speak. Victor, surely, had no problem figuring that bit out.
He looked into the rearview mirror and gave a light nod. A small smile greeted his lips for just a moment and he resumed back to his mechanical posture. This version of him was far from the one who had comforted me while picking me up from Jordan's house. I wish I knew how he managed this switch so easily.
I rested my head by the window and looked outside the car. The streets were reflecting the yellow rays that fell on them from the overhead sun. Their glare made it hard for people to walk on the roads without wearing a pair of shades. All the little food stops by the pavement were filled with office goers and people from all types of jobs, which meant it was already lunch time.
I closed my eyes and let out a breath that I was holding in for a long time. As my lungs filled with the musty, humid air, my vision turned blank and all the things that happened today came rushing back to my mind. I quickly opened my eyes, a reflex that I had perfected in the last hour.
It was all too much to remember right now.
Swallowing the overwhelming feeling, I repeated my new mantra in my head, focussing on each syllable harder than before, "Don't break down. Hold it in."
The other voice in my head had an argument of its own. And no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, it kept on pushing the point harder. It was becoming impossible for me to brush off the question, "If I wanted to get away from him so bad, why was I feeling like this?"
Had I somehow grown so attached to him that putting myself first felt wrong? Or did I feel bad that things won't be the same between us and I'd be losing someone amazing from my life? Yes, that must be it. That had to be it because the first reason seemed a bit too far fetched.
I raised my head and sat up straight. Clearing my throat, I asked, "How much longer, Victor?"
"About ten minutes, ma'am."
I took out my phone from the pocket of my jeans and opened the messages app. The last message was from my sister, Lilly, but I couldn't stop myself from opening the message thread just below it.
"I'm sorry, Ellen."
Seen 7:32 am.
The absence of a reply was making me uneasy. She could have said something, anything at all. But she chose not to. I knew I disappointed her so much that she had nothing left to say. But hearing anything from her would have been an improvement. In stead all I had was silence. The maddening, deafening silence.
I closed the thread and opened Lilly's messages. The last message was from almost an hour ago, just as I was leaving Jordan's house. Now that we have ended everything, it would definitely be awkward to stay under the same roof. So, before I found my own place to live, I had decided to stay at my sister's for a few days, for the time being. That's where I was heading right now.
Away from Jordan, away from commitment, away from all the chaos.
"We've arrived, ma'am." Victor's voice brought me back from my thoughts.
I glanced outside the window and the familiar tall building stood as high as it did just a year ago.
I thanked Victor and got out of the car. The only things that accompanied me were my two big luggage bags. Before driving away, he left me with something to think about, "What happened was inevitable. Don't blame yourself, Macy. Take care."
Was I really blaming myself? Maybe that's why I was feeling so shitty the entire time. I shrugged my shoulders as if to dispose off the thoughts that occupied my mind and took a long look at what stood in front of me.
The building hadn't changed at all since I had left it and moved in with Jordan, which was almost a year ago. The only thing that seemed a little different about the building was that it's colour looked a little faded. It felt so crazy to think what the passage of time can do to a person. Just this morning I was engaged, trapped in a relationship that moved too fast for my liking and now, I was back to being just myself, without being defined by somebody else.
For the first time, the claustrophobic feeling of guilt felt more like freedom.
Holding on to my luggage, I entered the building and got into the elevator, which took me to the tenth floor. I took the next few steps slowly and carefully, letting myself feel the sturdy floor and reached the door to my previous apartment.
Lilly answered after a few knocks. Dressed in a white T-shirt and a pair of purple cotton shorts, she greeted me with a big smile. She must have had a shower a while ago, 'cause her black hair was damp and laid flat on her shoulders.
The old smell of home hit me as soon as I entered the apartment and that's when I knew I had taken the right decision.
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Author's Note
Finally, an update!! Thanks for being so patient. I love you guys!❤
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