Bria's Confession Session

Confession #6

I'm soooo done. Like really finished. I can't take it. I need to detach. I need to walk away. I need to...I don't even know. It hurts way to much. My heart it's just breaking slowly. I know I'm just garbage. And no one wants me.

I hate myself! I hate myself for doing this to me. I hate all of the bullshit I go through and nobody sees it. I'm on the brink of insanity.

I feel like flaming shit. I feel like the pain is eating me from the inside to the outside. Slowly gnawing at my heart like a parasite.

What the fuck! Am I supposed to do?! My dreams are never gonna come true. And I need to stop hoping and wishing that maybe things would change. Nothing will. And no one will help it change.

I know it's not a forever feeling. I know I'll get over it. But how can I when she's all I think about. Like if we avoid the topic it'll go away. We treat it like it's not there. And that partially drives me nuts.

Because that's truly unreal. Feelings don't just evaporate. But I can. I can disappear. I can leave. I wanna leave. I'm thinking about moving to Pennsylvania. Maybe I'll like it up there. Because I feel like absolute shit down here.

I see everything. I don't even know why I had hope. I don't hold any aggression towards him. Never. He's a great guy. Made just for her. She needs someone like him. And I need to get out of this fantasy I keep trying to put myself in.

For days on end I've been trying. Hard. I honestly don't care anymore. Everything's whatever at this point. Looking back I wish I could change all of this. Maybe it'll hurt less.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade her for anything. But if I could go back I would try to avoid this shit. It's basically pointless. What was the point.
I should have kept it to myself and cry on the inside.

I shouldn't have told anybody. Not even Abby.

I get constantly reminded of how I don't need her. Or how she'll never love me. Or how I'm dumb as fuck for having these stupid ass feelings. I just wish she did. I just wish she loved me back. Maybe it would all be different.

Do you guys know I cry? Like a lot. Do you guys know how many songs I've written for her? Do you have any idea how I feel?

I hate when people say they do. You don't know what it feels like to be in love with her. You don't know.

I am so hopeless. But I'm gonna be happy for her. That's all I can be. She's happy. I'm happy. We're all happy. So what's the point of being sad. I'll be fine.

Maybe if I tell myself that more I'll start to believe it.

'Looking around all these familiar faces'

'How did I spot you?'

'Holding my breath, know I'm to late..'

But I wanna dance with you'

You've got a suitor dressed in black'

'Who looks handsome too'

'But I don't really care, eyes meet and stare'

'I wanna dance with you'