Bria's Confession Session

Confession #7

Since your not answering my calls...I guess I'll talk to you through here. Do you know what I've been doing all day?

Thinking.

I just don't know if it's right or wrong. I can't change the way I feel. You can't either. So what's the solution?

That answer is still debatable. But what I've come up with, could be a reasonable answer.

Time.

In time I'll be fine. I'm lying if I say I am now. I could be, when I'm around you. But when your gone I'm left with the lingering thoughts of rejection. It sucks.

Reading my thoughts can be hard. Me in my thoughts can be hard. Wonder why I'm so lost in my head all the time? Here's your answer. It's a maze up here. Filled with agonizing thoughts of what I don't have.

I'm sorry. I hurt us. I broke me. I hurt you. I just wanted to be happy. Is that to much to ask for? In this situation? Yes.

I wished for the best, but got the worst. I guess this was another lesson I didn't see. But still...I love you. I don't care what happens. Birthday twins first. Feelings later.

I honestly don't want a life without you. I don't care if we're just friends and your married with Darren or who ever, and you have dozens of mini you's and him. I still want to be there.

I just...don't want to lose you either. I'm scared we'll drift. I'm scared you'll want to be with him more than me and forget about me. Us. Our friendship. It scares the shit outta me.

After reading this call me. Or call me when your alone if your reading this in the company of someone else. There's so many words I have to say to make you understand.

I don't want you to hurt with me. I just want you to be here with me. Don't cry for me. Or yourself.

Just love him with all your heart. Cause if you don't, you'll be hurting someone else and I don't know if you can take that.

I have my good and bad days. Last chapter was one of the bad ones. I didn't know how to handle the anger that I felt, when I realized he's the one that gets to call you baby.

I was enraged. I hated a dude I never met. But that all came from the green eyed monster called jealousy.

I'm not mad anymore. I honestly don't care. I've given up. What's the point? The only thing I don't wanna give up is our friendship. I need it. Like I need you.

I'm an asshole I know. It's Bria by nature. I'm gonna be an asshole till the bus out. I'm gonna be petty. Because? Why not? That's just me. And you know this.

Getting over you may not be easy but once again...it's not impossible. Smile mama. Be happy, I'll be soon. And yes, I don't give a fuck about what you say. I'm still gonna call you mama😊. I love you.

Honestly, conditionally, for eternity. Because your my what first? My friend.