Bria's Confession Session

Confession #11 Cami Chap: 1

Hellloooooo people. Let's just start this off by saying I'm over her and all the feelings. Let's be honest here.

Even though I'm over her, it doesn't mean I still don't have love for her. She's my nugget, my slime, my bestfriend. That'll never change and I'll rock any bitch who try her.

I'm still trying to get used to hanging out with her and her boyfriend. Every time I leave him with her...I have my episodes.

Panic attacks I mean.

I remember the whole entire week of our birthday I had them. That was my first time meeting him and seeing the way they loved each other made something snap within me.

Nobody knows I have them, just Abby and I think Caleigh remembers the one day where I had an episode and reached out to her.

I never really paid them any attention cause they would happen out of nowhere, randomly. But now it was happening more frequently then others.

So all those time I said I needed a breather, I had one. Every time I walked away to be in the company of myself, I had one. I always have them when I'm alone. So I know how to comfort myself. Ive been alone for so long, I'm always lonely.

And I'm not panicking because I think he's not a good guys. Its because my body can't handle me letting her go. He's a great guy. He deserves her. But seeing that really broke the rest of my heart. Now the pieces are slowly getting back together.

There's this new girl named Camiliah. But I call her Cami. She's amazing and she's sooo beautiful. She drives me crazy. But I always seem to go for the girls I can't have because...she's in a 'relationship'.

Her and this girl are just talking. They haven't made it official yet.

So me and Cami have been talking everyday. We act like we're a couple. She told me I'm a person of interest. She likes me but she's already talking to someone and she feels guilty. I told her feelings are feelings. And it feels nice-ish to have feelings for somebody who can return them...but can't.

It's complicated. I asked her if she wanted me to fall back. To leave. She said no, she wants to keep talking to me. So what does that mean for us? I don't know. But I'm fine with waiting while she figures it all out.

She's the first girl since Caleigh to make my heart beat abnormally fast. She makes me flustered and jittery. She's just what I want right now. But I'm not a home wrecker. I just don't know what to do.

Because she's caught in the middle. The person that she's wanted for so long acts like she doesn't have time for her. I'm here all the time. I text her more than I text my hoes. I would drop everything for her if she just said the word.

In all honesty if she told me to stop smoking I would. She told me she's coming down here soon. Hopefully I get that summer love I've always wanted🤷🏾‍♀️who knows. Cami is a new adventure that I'm ready to discover.