LOOK AT ME (Muslim Story)

LOOK AT ME (11)

New chapter for a new dayyyy 💜💜
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It been a week since Ahmed gave me a ride home and I'm still thinking about it.

I don't know why, I just am. He's always on my my mind, somethings about him just don't add up. It's been a normal thing now, to think about him. But whenever his name pops into my head, the first thing I think about just happens to be last week's incident.

It's not only the most recent, but the most traumatizing experience I've ever been involved in. I've never spoken to him the following week.

Seriously, think about it. Seeing your crush in such a vulnerable position. And even after you help him, he makes you feel like there's so many things wrong with you. He makes it seem like your hands are poisonous, your entire body is just poison Ivy. Really?

I tried to help him up and he tensed up like I was a disease.

I opened the passenger door and he told me to sit in the back. What, was I going to stain the seats? Maybe even break something because of how fat I was?

Jesus.

As soon as I got dropped off, I gave my dad the tools and went to the washroom to take a shower. He made me feel like I smelled bad, like there was something on me that I couldn't see.

Afterwards, I started eating less fats and more fruits. I've told myself my entire life not to change myself for someone but this isn't for someone. This is for me. If my belly is too big, my thighs are so bouncy and I was just a chubby girl in general, I was willing to loose that weight.

I don't want to feel like a sickness in someone else's eyes.

And if I ever asked him why he treated me that way, his reply would be something fake like 'because I'm Muslim.'

Fatima only told me that boys and girls are supposed to lower their gaze when they see each other.

But that's all she said. I don't remember anything about keeping away from each other, don't touch each other or help each other. If that was included, she would've told me right?

I was walking to math class but I needed to stop by my locker first. My objective today and for the following days and months and possibly years, I'm going to avoid Ahmed equally as much as he ignores me.

He walks by? I'll lower my gaze.

He's in my class? I won't turn around to see Him.

He flirts with Mcfuckson? I won't care. I mean I will care, but I won't. Like I would care deep down but I won't think much of it later.

When I reached my locker, I made about two or three metres space between us. I backed away, examining my locker from all parts.

I don't smell anything. . .

Mcfuckson better not have put something in there.

There's nothing showing. . .

So my locker looks pretty empty the way it's supposed to. But that didn't stop my suspicions. I unlocked my locker and as soon as I swung it open, I jumped about four to five feet back.

And then I wiped my forehead when nothing fell. Thank god.

As soon as I began to unpack my things, I started putting books in my locker. When I picked up about four textbooks to shove in my locker, I felt a huge nudge on my shoulder that made me tumble and drop all the books on my feet.

I tripped over the books and fell.

"Oh Emerald! I didn't see you there." She smirked, folding her arms.