Make Me Fall (ON HOLD)

Fifteen: Doomed

COLUMBUS

HOME? No, I was not able to go home right after that incident in school. I was pissed because of Sab. Hindi ko nagustuhan ang sinabi niya, dahil wala naman iyong katuturan.

I did not sing that song for her. Wala akong plano na kantahan siya, ulit.

She missed me too? Come on. Cut the shit! As if naman maniniwala ako doon. As if naman maniniwala pa ako sakanya. Sinira na niya ang tiwala ko sakanya.

And let me clear, there shouldn't be a 'too' because in the first place, I don't miss her.

Trust is just like a glass, once broken, you can't bring it back to its original form. And if you can, the cracks will still be there -- serving as a proof that once, it was broken.

Another thing about trust is that it's not something that you can have with just a snap of your fingers. It should be gained.

Earn it!

"One Americano for sir CL!" Just in time. I badly need my coffee right now.

I went to the counter to get my coffee. Pero pagbalik ko sa pwesto KO, iba na ang nakaupo. Great! Nalingat lang ako saglit, may umagaw na agad sa pwesto ko.

Sabagay kung yung gf o bf nga naagaw, pwesto pa kaya.

Lumabas nalang ako sa nagdesisyon na umuwi. Sa bahay, solo na solo ko yung buong lugar. Wala akong kahati, and I prefer that. Well, sino nga ba ang gusto nang may kahati? Wala.

Tsaka kapag umalis na, wag na bumalik! Ano, may naiwan ba? Wala naman eh. Kaya wala ng babalikan!

"Columbus!" I saw her, Ellie, walking alone.

Tsaka pala 'wag ding feeling close.

Magkakasalubong kami at wala akong plano na huminto, pero bigla siyang huminto nung magkatapat na kami. I can still remember that she left a while ago despite knowing that she requested a song.

Hindi ako huminto at nilampasan ko siya. Tumango lang ako nang bahagya para pansinin siya at ang pagtawag niya sa akin. That's enough.

"Uy wait lang!" Walang duda, siya yun.

Wait, diyan naman magaling ang mga babae, ang paghintayin ang mga lalaki! Akala nila hindi nakakapagod maghintay when in fact it does!

Seriously, waiting is some sort of a 'thing' nowadays. But then again, is that person really worth waiting for? O baka naman nag-aantay ka sa wala.

I'm not saying that we shouldn't wait. But we must make sure that we're really waiting for something and not for nothing. Remember, waiting is still spending of time. And time flies!

"Suplado talaga nito." Nasamid ako nung narinig ko siya na sabihin iyon.

What the heck?! Huminto ako at hinarap siya pero inosente niya akong tinignan. Seriously? I heard her loud and clear tapos ngayon yung itsura niya parang wala siyang sinabi tungkol sa akin.

Oo suplado ako, alam ko yun. Pero kailangan niya ba talagang banggitin? Lalo na at halos magkatabi lang kami. Napailing nalang ako at naglakad ulit.

I can feel her trailing behind but I didn't bother looking back.

"Sorry kung hindi kita napakinggan kanina. Ako pa naman yung nag-request nung kanta." Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. So she's sorry. Pero ayun naman dapat talaga ang maramdaman niya.

Hindi ako sumagot at nagpatuloy nalang sa paglalakad.

Ano ba kasi ang dahilan sa bigla niyang pagkawala kanina? Para siyang kabute na bigla nalang susulpot tapos bigla ring mawawala.

Malayo-layo na rin ang nalalakad ko pero nakasunod pa rin siya sa akin. Pusa ba tong isang 'to? Bakit sunod ng sunod?

I turned around to face her. "Why are you following me?!" Singhal ko. Naiirita ako na may sumusunod sa akin. Lalo na at siya 'yon!

Kitang-kita ko kung paano siya biglang napapitlag sa di inaasahang pagtaas ng boses ko. Unti-unting humaba ang nguso niya at lumikot ang mga mata. Hindi siya makatingin sa akin ng diretso.

I feel like she's about to say something but there was hesitation.

Come on and spill it out!

Tumaas-baba ang balikat niya sinyales na kumuha siya ng hininga. Maya-maya pa nga ay nagsalubong na ang mga mata namin, at ako naman ang nabigla. Ilang hakbang lang ang layo namin sa isa't isa pero kita ko kung gaano ka seryoso ang mga mata niya.

I've never seen such pair of eyes. They are expressive and how do I say this, they are attractive. No, attractive is an understatement. It's way more than that.

Pakiramdam ko, tumatagos sa akin ang mga tingin niya.

"Kakapalan ko na mukha ko," she said then paused. Muli kong nakita ang pagkuha niya ng hangin. "Sing for me, again. This time I'll listen to you." Mabilis niyang bulalas na para bang hinahabol siya.

At nakipaghabulan naman ang puso ko. Damn it! Why is my heart racing so fast? I don't like it. Talo pa nito ang nararamdaman kong tibok ng puso tuwing matatapos akong tumakbo.

May sakit na ba ako sa puso? Dapat na ba akong magpatingin sa Cardiologist?

Why the hell am I having this kind of heart beat? Sigurado ako na naramdaman ko na 'to dati. But it was long ago since I've felt my heart beat this way. Years may have passed but there no doubt about it. Naramdaman ko na ito dati.

This kind of heartbeat, means danger.

"Nice try. But I don't sing to the same girl twice." I chuckled and turned my back against her.

Hindi maganda ito. I should distance myself with Ellie. ASAP!

Sabi nga nila, agapan na para hindi na lumala pa. That goes same here. Hanggat maari, tigilan na bago pa maging huli ang lahat.

It's dangerous.

Fucking dangerous.

May nakita akong taxi at agad ko itong pinara. Buti nalang at wala sakay kaya naman nagpahatid na ako sa subdivision. Buong byahe, nilaro ko mga daliri ko. Isang bagay na nakaugalian ko na, para kalmahin ang sarili ko.

I never thought, that I will feel my heart beat that kind of beat, again. The first time i felt my heart throbbed like a drum was when I first saw Sab. I thought it was nothing and just an abnormal heartbeat. But later on I found out that it was something more. Before I knew it, I was already courting Sab.

And now...I felt it again. But this time, it was Ellie who made me feel it.

"You're doomed, Skyler." I murmured to myself.

Dumiretso ako sa banyo sa kwarto ko at pinihit ang gripo ng shower. I need to fucking calm down this heart and get a hold of myself. Hindi ko dapat nararamdaman ang ganito.

This feeling was just good at the beginning. Sa umpisa lang masaya. And when you let yourself get carried away with the heavenly feeling, it'll be too late for you. Dahil sa umpisa lang masaya. Because eventually, that leaping heart of yours will stop. And then it will beat again, but this time, it's fucking pain that you will feel. Crashing your hear into pieces.

Hinubad ko ang basa kong mga damit at hinayaan na dumiretso na sa katawan ko ang tama ng tubig mula sa shower.

"Sing for me, again. This time I'll listen to you."

"Sing for me, again. This time I'll listen to you."

"Sing for me, again. This time I'll listen to you."

"Damn it!" I cursed.

I can still hear her voice in my head saying those words. What the hell is happening to me? I will be really doomed when I can't get her out of my head.

Pinatay ko ang shower at tinuon ang magkabilang kamay ko sa dingding ng banyo.

"What did you do to me, Ellie?" Mariin akong napapikit at napakagat ng labi.