A reason for living

Kirishima

April 14, Saturday

I need to go back to chemo. That means swallowing pills over pills over pills and therefor losing my grown hair again. It got to an inch the last time I measured it, which I used to do pretty often in order to keep track of the growth. But soon, it won't be there at all. A wig wouldn't even be considered- that's just desperate for someone like me. My beanie should be sufficient for now.

„Hey! Bakugou!" Suddenly the door gets kicked open and Kirishima surprisingly runs inside, followed by a nurse that tries to stop him. „Fuck, how are you? You okay? I wanted to drive with you to the hospital, but the paramedic wouldn't allow me to follow you. Told me I had to rest and how thankful they were I helped."

I open my eyes widely, but glance at him in a disgusted way. His look is completely different than usual. His hair is not styled up, but lays softly down his head, covering his forehead with the two strands that looked like horns when he used to style them up. It looks way softer that way, though the rest of his appearance reduces the good look of his hair. The clothes are completely creased, his skin is pale and sweaty. He looks like he hasn't slept in years. Because of the sudden entry of the tall redhead, I twist my face in disgust and anger. I didn't expect anyone bothering me, my plan was to stay alone.

„I'm okay." I answer quietly and watch him come closer to sit down. The nurse gives me a questioning look and I nod, confirming her that Kirishima is allowed to be here. She closes the door and leaves.

„I feel so awful for leaving you behind yesterday. I'm- I'm so sorry..." He puts the chair with its back faced to me and sits down spreading his legs on both sides, putting his arms on the back, resting his face on top of them. He looks at me, brows raised in sorrow- and sympathy, yet again.

„It's okay."

„No it's not. If I had just stayed with you the whole evening, not be distracted by these girls- then maybe, maybe I could've prevented it." His voice is soft, but has a huge afflicted undertone. His eyes don't meet mine, he stares at the ground as more wrinkles form around his face.

„You couldn't."

„But I was so useless to you- I"

„Kirishima." I interrupt, looking into his eyes, forcing him to look back.

„Huh.." He mumbles with his brows raised, pouting.

„Shut up."

... He really does. He doesn't say anything anymore, just sits on his chair, biting on his lip, looking to the window with his brows moving around. He looks like a little kid that's been caught stealing in the grocery store and now feels incredibly guilty.

And for some reason, it makes me feel bad. I didn't want him to shut up in general, I just wanted him to not talk about what happened yesterday, but as always- I say the things I say in such a disrespectful, rude way, without even wanting it.

„I mean- it happened and we couldn't do anything about it. I learned my lesson."

„What lesson?!" Kirishima shouts, lifting his head angrily. His hair moves from the motion and one of his strands falls into his eye. He blinks a couple times, but it doesn't go away. Then he blows up, nothing changes. „Fuck.." He whispers and moves his hand up to wipe the strand away, then wipes his eye. Idiot.

„I shouldn't go out."

„But that's unfair! Everyone should be able to go out!"

„I didn't like it anyway. People talked to me, harrassed me, wanted me to drink and get wasted. They surrounded me- separating us.." Though it felt right to say it, the last part wasn't meant to be out loud.