A reason for living

One week

November 4th, Sunday

I do wake up, fortunately. And Kirishima is staring at me, laying on the same bed, on my right side. He has his hand at my head, pulling a strand from my hair softly, wrapping it around his finger, then letting it go and doing the exact same thing again. When my eyes blink a couple times and I see him clearly, he starts smiling with a slight blush covering his cheekbones and nose.

„Fuck..." I whisper and move my head to look at the ceiling, closed eyes, a slight smile.

„Fuck to you too." His words are as close as always, comforting my auricle.

„You really can't stop with these insiders."

„No I can't, White Ferrari." My eyes open, looking at him with a playful mocking expression.

„I like the song- ok!?"

„Sure, and the meaning. And maybe me."

„Maybe you, yeah."

He giggles, then moves his body away from the bed abruptly, bending over. Peering over to him, I lift up my head, so I could see all of him in front of me. Since he's naked, it's a pretty nice view. Smiling, I lean back and giggle.

„Huh?" He asks picking up his clothes from the floor.

„Nothin- you're just very handsome." His body throws up again, turning over to me with his face staring in confusion and embarrassment. A thick, reddish color covers his cheeks again.

„You're hot." He answers. I sigh and roll my eyes, moving my hands behind my head, so I can rest against them. „I mean it!"

Suddenly, Kirishima gets kind of fixated on my biceps. First, I thought it may look good with the new muscle I gained, but as I look to the side to check on what he actually sees, I notice something odd. I raise my torso to sit up properly. Bruises. Many of them. All over my biceps, in blue, slight purple and a little red color.

The smile on my face is still there, but it starts seeming more and more fake. I start giggling a little, without opening my mouth and losing up from the smile. The giggle sounds more and more weird, fake, ironic. Moving my arm around, searching for more bruises, the giggle slowly turns into a whine. The smile on my face vanishes, the line of my mouth turns upside down, my eyes sink and the itchy feeling of wanting to cry appears in my throat. The whining gets louder as I touch my arm around, moving it hectic, searching for more. Kirishima stands in front of my bed, finished putting on his clothes and watches me agonized.

Out of nowhere, the fake giggle which turned into weird whining completely sounds like crying. The muscles in my face contract and make me form a pained face.

„Hey, hey." Kirishima suddenly mumbles, leaning over the bed and starts hugging me, putting my body tightly between his arms. Burying my face, I feel the tears flowing.

„I don't want this anymore." I whine inside his shirt, the sound gets subdued by the cloth and it's barely hearable, which I find pretty good.

„Shh, it'll all be fine." Kirishima tries to calm me down by stroking through my hair, softly and caring.

„It won't. Eijirou, I'll- I'll die." Why am I whining that to him? He knows it. But the bruises on my arm triggered me to think about it this much. His stroke gets rougher until the point where it isn't comforting anymore. He's mad I said it and I can't blame him. „

Whatever." I whisper sniffing and move my head away from him. As soon as he comes closer and touches my shoulder, I flip it away- out of reflex. But the moment it happens, I regret it.