~Johnlock Oneshots~

Pickup Lines

[A/N: this is partly a joke]

"Hey John."

"Yes?"

"Are you a carpender?"

"No?"

"Because I'm looking for a deep shag."

John stared at Sherlock with his mouth hanging open.

"Did you just-" John sighed.

*time skip*

"Jooooooooooooooohn." Sherlock sighed.

"What?"

"Nice set of legs you got there, what time do they open?"

"Jesus Christ Sherlock"

*time skip*

"John"

"John"

"John?"

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Are those space pants?"

"Why?" John asked.

"Because your ass is out of this world"

"OH MY GOD SHERLOCK"

*time skip*

"Jooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhnnnnnn"

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhtt?"

"Do you wanna come over later and eat what my mum made?"

"What did she make?" John asked.

"Me."

John strolled out of the living room.

*time skip*

"John?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you sit in a pile of sugar?"

"No?"

"Cuz you've got a sweet ass."

"Jesus..."

*time skip*

"Johnnyyyyyyyyyy"

"YES?"

"I'm not a construction worker but I'd like to use your wood."

"OH CHRIST ALMIGHTY"

[A/N: y'all free to use these lines ;D]