From the journal of Patient Sixteen written under the initials of CTL dated in 7 of July 2001; voice recorded by Dr. Quirrero
T W E L F T H S Y M P T O M:
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warning: vivid portrayal of self-harm ideation
1
"IT'S REALLY hard everytime I see you."
Catalina Juliet felt her hand immediately stops from writing as the familiar cold voice oddly clouded her sense of hearing, echoing through the crowded corners of her mind. And it never stops from there as the bluish-grey eyes filled with intense emotions she is afraid to name popped up in her head that made her tighten the grip of her ballpen.
She took a sharp intake of breath as she tried to keep herself at bay. She felt her diaphragm and accessory muscles contract as her chest expands and pulls some air into her lungs, exhaling out a shaky breath. She continue to write her report when she gained back her focus despite of the black ink being slightly spilled on the last letter she wrote.
"How did you do that, Doc? How can you make the demons inside me calm with just your touch?"
A controlled scream escape from her lips as she throw the ballpen with brutal force that it created a harsh, ticking sound when it fell bouncing on the floor.
She doesn't like the fact how every words from six years ago are sickeningly engraved in her mind. She doesn't like how it keeps on playing everytime she think of her. Everytime she popped in her mind. And everytime she is all alone by herself and her thoughts.
She doesn't like how Abstal have a certain spot in her jungled mind, occupying every bit of her conscious mental reactions.
She covered her mouth with her hands and let out another scream she could not understand any words her alters are saying. She was deafened by the antagonism she feels towards herself.
Juliet can feel the extreme perturbation building up inside her, crumbling the walls she made to shut off unnecessary things she should not be thinking about. She clenched her hands tightly, gripping the surge of emotions.
But she could not locked up the annoyance she felt anymore.
She bit her lip in vexation, completely baffled by the vast depth her boyfriend's cousin can affect her. And the one that added to her discomfort is the fact that she has been the uninvited guest in her dreams throughout the whole week as if her brain is mocking her about something she doesn't want to identify.
No.
She is too much occupied with her feelings that she felt herself dissociating for a moment. But then anxiety starts to swirled inside her after, haunting her with questions she's afraid that she would answer it without an ounce of doubt. She bit her lower lip, the illogical irritation she felt is replaced by the relentless pursuit of apprehension.
