Russ (18+) | ✔

24

Charlotte

I'd never talked about Daniel. Not even with Lys. And when I'd grown up and moved away from my parents, I was well passed the age for finding respectable female friends, and thus I was content alone.

And yet here I was; finally revealing what had troubled me every once in a while. 

The guy I had slowly conditioned myself to not even bother thinking about was now pushed to the forefront of my mind as I forced myself to recount my disastrous prom night.

"When I was sixteen," I began, my voice thick with unwelcome emotion. I coughed to clear it before continuing. "It was my junior prom. I was wearing a shitty hot pink dress that barely brushed my knees."

I laughed, remembering the abomination that I had allowed my so-called mother to talk me into. It was the first night it had seemed that she actually cared and as much as I hated to admit it, I relished her attention.

"I was popular. Even though Sarah got mom's attention at home, I practically dominated the school scene. Mom wouldn't pay for cheerleading, so I got a job so I could do it myself. I was adored by my people. Then there was him. Daniel McCaslin," I paused and Russ inhaled a sharp breath, his grip on me tightening as he nestled his chin on top of my head.

"He didn't go to school with me, he was just one of the guys that I hung out with when my mom would shove me outside so she could allow Sarah to monopolize all of the time and space she could. And Daniel was sweet to me. He seemed like the nicest guy. I'd already lost my virgi—"

Russ growled, his grip tightening even further. "Prom night?"

I giggled at his caveman response. "Yes. We were in the backseat of his car, in front of my house and we had sex. Anal— because he didn't want me to get pregnant and according to him, his sperm 'broke through condoms, and fought birth contr—'"

"Charlotte," Rus growled in warning, signalling once again that my story was venturing away from the point.

"He fucked my ass and I liked it. I liked it a lot, okay?!" I practically screamed at him, suddenly upset as the saddening-slash-angry part of the story neared.

"And my mom walked outside as we were finishing. She threatened to tell everyone, all of my friends. Claimed she'd go as far as to tell my boss about it if I didn't fade into the background during senior year. Said she'd face no consequences for it," I laughed, wiping away the snot and tears that I wasn't aware had fallen.

"I thought Daniel would be a witness but she paid him to go to prom with me in the first place," I sobbed, turning in Russ's arms until my face was buried in his naked chest, still oily. "She paid him to fuck me. She paid him t-t—"

My broken cries were smothered beneath the sound of Russ's quiet shushes. He held me, rocking slightly as if he were consoling a baby. "There's more baby," he began with a knowing tone, causing my cries to cease. "You retaliated. What did you do?

"I did something truly terrible," I mumbled, my body still shaking with silent sobs. 

"What happened?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, fighting the urge to hold my bottom lip in my hand to stop its trembling, I explained in a rush. "I slept with his dad. Just once, but his parents got divorced... I was only sixteen and he was just showing off, got his mom a car, bought a fuckton of shoes, even a Gucci belt which was pointless since he only ever wore sweatpant, even to prom! I was so angry and I—I ruined his family Russ," I sobbed, my tears starting anew.

"Hey, hey," Russ cooed. "It's not your fault," he began to which I scoffed loudly, my tears still falling. "Not entirely. His father was the adult in the situation, and unless someone held him at gunpoint, he had sex with you willingly."

"That doesn't make it any less wrong!" I cried, burying my face in his chest, sobbing so hard that I could feel the entire bed shaking.

"No it doesn't. But baby that was years ago, an entire decade! What you did when you were young, and angry, and impulsive does not define you," Russ says soothingly.

He says it so convincingly, so sure of himself that I laugh. And to think, I'd been the one coaching him on how to grow the hell out of childish habits.

"Why are you so silly around everyone else if these are really the types of things that run through your head?" I whispered the question, finally opening my eyes as Russ brushed away my tears.

I was sure I looked puffy and red, but Russ looked at me as if I was the most beautiful thing alive and in that moment, my hair and pillow soaked in tears, and just a little bit of snot, along with the stubborn oil that refused to leave Russ's body, I actually felt it.

"I don't know," he murmured, planting a quick kiss on the tip of my nose. "I guess I've always just been the person to lighten the mood. My mom left when Dylan and I were like, eight, and while Levi was pissed at her, Derek became a hermit, and Dyl blamed himself, I was the one who rationalized that it meant two of us could take her room, and Leti could have her shoes and handbags.

"Over time I guess it became harder to find a bright side of things, so I created a bright side, by becoming an accessory to the dark side," Russ finished, cuddling me closer.

I frowned at his assessment of himself. "I'm so sorry that you had to feel that way for so long, but Russ, you are not an accessory to the dark side," I said, emphasizing the word 'not' with a firm head shake. "Crude jokes and unneccessary comments be damned, you are not. You're the..." I struggled to find something that would complete the sentence and perfectly articulate what I meant.

"Light of your life?" Russ asked, smiling brightly at me.

I smiled back, laughing slightly as I nodded. "Yes, the light of my life."

😊✌🏽