High school diary of Beam (Forthbeam version Completed)

Chapter 26

27th December 2009

It was 2 o’clock in the morning. I was not able to sleep. I was feeling disturbed. No matter how hard I tried, I could not fall asleep. I was looking at my mobile, probably was playing with it. I clicked the menu button and saw the light getting dimmer. I was counting how many seconds the light lasted. When the light went out completely I did it again. I was just trying to kill time.

Why should I react a lot for everything he did? He didn’t show up, that’s all. Why couldn’t I let it go and accept it? Why should it affect me so much? May be I should call him and tell him how I felt about him.

No, that should not be done. It sounded difficult to express my feelings towards him. Every time I tried to say something, I become tongue tied. When I saw his mesmerising eyes I couldn’t even breathe properly, then how could I confess it. I should drop that idea. It was better that way.

I wanted to be the only one who got mesmerised by my eyes. I know seeing him with some other girl would definitely make my stomach churn, worse I could burn in hell.

I loved him. I didn’t know when I would get the courage to say it to him. I looked at his picture and silently whispered, “I LOVE YOU Forth.” I was afraid to say it to him. May be saying it to him would make things worse. What if he got angry and stopped talking to me? I could take it, if he didn’t love me but I could never take it, if he stopped talking to me. It would kill me every day.

I knew he was trying to tell something to me for the last two weeks but I was not sure what he wanted to talk about. I could feel he was disturbed. He had suddenly started keeping aloof. .

I wanted him in my life. He was everything to me. I had never had such feelings of affection towards anyone that to not so quickly. I felt comfortable with him in the short span of time that I knew him...

What would he tell me? What was he trying to tell me? Would he say that he was in love with me? My heart hoped that he would say he was in love with me, but seemed rather unlikely. I could never reach him even if I owned a tall ladder. He was too handsome but I was not Greek god Polo to attract him. He was brilliant and I was not a bright student as he was. He was way better in everything when compared to me. I didn’t know if I was worthy enough to be his friend. I was not good enough for him. Would he say something that would hurt me? I didn’t know. My curiosity was crushing me. I wanted to be the only person to know him completely.

It was 2.30. I had school the next day. I had to sleep or else I couldn’t wake up in the morning. I forced myself to sleep but I could not sleep, his handsome face kept popping up whenever I closed my eyes. He stood in front of me. It was like it was almost real.

When was I going to get the courage to express my feelings towards him or how long was I going to wait? I couldn’t find the answer for both. I liked the feeling of waiting for him. I felt happy. I felt excited. Would that excitement go away when he proposed to me? Would I lose the attraction and the affection that I had for him when he came near me? I didn’t have the answers for any of these questions. Only time would answer it but for now I was sure of some things.

I was crazy about him.

I loved him.

I was ready to risk anything for him. Forth. What a romantic name and the name of a hero! Sun! I didn’t know to how many people he was hero but to me he was definitely a hero and nothing would change that. My thoughts drifted.

My phone vibrated. The moment it vibrated, I knew from who it was. It was Forth.

“Awake?” was the text that I got from him.

“What is it, Forth?” I texted him back.

He called me the moment I got the delivery report.

“Hello” I said softly, not wanting to wake up anyone in my house. Anyway, they could not hear me but I didn’t want to risk anything.