High school diary of Beam (Forthbeam version Completed)

Chapter 34

13th February 2010

Two weeks had passed, and still I was not able to get rid of my guilt. I still could not accept that his accident was due to his carelessness. If I had not called him repeatedly then he would not have met with that accident.

He has not talked properly with me since then. I felt that he was keeping his distance from me. Had I crossed a boundary by going to his house? He spoke to me but not as much as before. Was this s the result of expressing my feelings for him? Did that make him uncomfortable?

He told me that he wanted to talk to me face to face about something. What could that be? Was he going to suggest that we end our friendship? If he does say that what will I do? I can’t even bear the thought of it.

According to me what I shared with him was something entirely different from friendship. I love him. Today, I am going to school. Will I meet him there? It’s neither special class nor a regular class session. Teachers called some students to help them with the students’ records. I wonder why they called me. I am not a favourite student for any teacher.

Forthwill be getting his results in 3 to 4 weeks. I am quite sure that he won’t be here for his higher studies. I was restless. Nothing had happened, there is still time for everything but I had a fear. I feared that he may leave me. Whatever might happen I will not lose him, I said to myself.

I went to school. My heart felt constricted. I wanted to cry but why??? There was no reason to cry but I felt that something bad had happened. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was moving in a haze. It was not me.

I entered the school. Am I dreaForth again? I could see him standing in my parking place with his bike. I really lost my mind. He smiled at me. Was this

my imagination? I shook my head and looked at the place again. The image didn’t go away. Oh!! My god, it’s him. My lips stretched a little seeing him.

“Hi Forth,” I greeted him “What are you doing here?” I asked him confused.

“I was feeling bored, so came here to help with the students’ records” he said.

“Hey!!! I came here for the same thing,” I replied.

“Beam  I never thought that I would see you here,” he said, a little bit surprised.

“Me too, Forth, You said that you want to talk to me right, what is it?” I asked him.

“Oh!!! That” he replied, dragging.

“Yup, what happened and what did your brother say? He looked angry and you did not tell me anything about it” I urged him.

“It’s nothing, Beam . Don’t worry about my brother,” he replied.

“Please Forth don’t hide anything just tell me,” I said, starting to panic.

“Hey!!! Beam , really nothing happened. He just teased me. Nothing else. You just don’t confuse yourself thinking about something unnecessarily,” he said. I was convinced that he was hiding something but I didn’t t want to push him further.

“What did you want to talk about?” I asked him.

“Beam ,” he said, looking into my eyes. Why did he do that? I can’t think straight if he does that. He does it without his knowledge but it is hard for me. It’s really making me crazy.

“I think I am in love, Beam  but I don’t know whether it is really love,” he said.

My heartbeat raced, blood rushed to my cheeks. I had a tingling sensation in my whole body. I folded my palms tightly till my fingers hurt. Was he talking about me? The question arose in my mind. With all my heart I wanted it to be me but I wanted to hear it from him. I waited.