High school diary of Beam (Forthbeam version Completed)

Chapter 32

28th January 2010

I woke up suddenly feeling scared and was not able to sleep. Breathing had become impossible for me. I was feeling suffocated. I sweated through all the pores of my face... Had the current gone? No, the fan was still working. Then why the sudden uneasiness?

I picked up my mobile to see the time. It was two O' clock in the night. Oh my god!!! I had slept for a long time. I was not even aware of the time. I thought I slept for a brief while. When had I fallen asleep? I didn’t know. I checked my mobile to see whether I had got any text from Forth but I didn’t receive any message from him.

I was not able to take it. I felt disappointed. I convinced myself that he may have been tired or may have reached home late or he might have gone to sleep.

No matter how I convinced myself of all the reasons that he hadn’t messaged me, I could not take it. I thought of texting him but I didn’t want to mess up again. I decided to give him some time. The whole day I was restless. I checked my mobile often but I received no text or call from him. I waited for the beep sound. That sound was echoing in my mind but not in my mobile. I feared that something might have happened to him.

I was not able to hold on anymore and I called him. He didn’t attend the call, my fear escalated. . I was anxious that I may lose him. What might be the reason why he didn’t reply to any of my calls? Did I do anything wrong? By expressing my feelings towards him, I might have made a mistake. Did that anger him? Would he move away from me?

He didn’t like anyone crossing the line. I took the picture of him and spoke directly to it.

“Forth, I don’t know how I feel. I am confused, hurt. I don’t know why I am restless. I am not sure how to express my situation. I don’t know how I can express my feelings for you. I am not even sure how I feel then how can I express it to you? I don’t know why I am scared. Is that because I feel that you will leave me? Is it because I am feeling guilty or that something bad is going to happen to you? Forth, just say that I have nothing to worry. Just simple words of yours will make me to feel better.” I talked to his photo. I allowed my emotions to flow like water. My phone vibrated. It was Forth and I found sudden relief.

“Forth” I said, answering.

‘Sorry Beam , I was not able to call you back yesterday. I reached home late and I didn’t want to disturb you,” he said.

“Forth you can never disturb me no matter at what time you call,” I replied.

“I want to talk to you Beam . It is something important,” he said.

“About what Forth?” I asked, wondering what it was that he wanted to talk...

“I will tell you, when I meet you, Beam . I just want to speak with you face to face,” he said.