High school diary of Beam (Forthbeam version Completed)

Chapter 27

28th December 2009

A week. I don’t know how I can control myself. Will he talk before that week gets over? Or will I talk, unable to resist him. ? I don’t know what status he will give me - friend or lover. I don’t know.

Do I really look like Appolo to him? A full week!! It’s going to be hard. It is going to be a living hell for me. Thank god I don’t have club this week otherwise I won’t be able to hold myself back, if I look at him. I will burst out the next moment.

I had a strange feeling that he would move away from me. What if he was able to stabilise himself in this one week?? If it happens, then he would choose to be my friend rather than my lover.

May be he is in love with me but will his ego allow him to accept it? I can’t stop thinking about him. I type him a message but delete it without sending it to him. I would have done it a dozen times today. There are still four more days to go.

I was returning home from school. My scooter was creating a big problem. Did I fill my vehicle with petrol? Yup, I did it two days ago and I didn’t use it that much to empty the tank. Perfect! My scooter stopped half way home and I had to walk. I slowly stated to walk pushing my scooter. I didn’t have enough courage to leave it locked on the roadside and go home.

While walking, everything along the way made me remember the chats I had with Forth. His voice, his words, everything remained fresh in my thoughts. I could still hear his laughter. I could see his eyes. I still felt his presence.

Some scooter passed by very closely, making me stumbles. It almost bushed my hair. I just raised my head to see who it was. That vehicle stopped 10 to 20 feet away from me.

Does that vehicle have a problem? I wondered. That scooter looked familiar. It looked like Forth’s bike. 2369??? Of course it was his bike. Was someone else using the vehicle now? I raised my head a little to see who was driving the vehicle. I knew he would not have left the school yet. He had missed the last club, so he would be busy dealing with that work.

When I looked at the person, I was stunned. It was Forth. He was waiting for me. I understood that his vehicle had no trouble. I walked past him without raising my head.

I didn’t want to make mistake of looking at him but I could not control myself. I raised my head to see his face. I couldn’t move my limbs and they felt weak suddenly. I could not bear the weight of my body. Tears gathered in my eyes. I turned my head and started to walk away. I could feel him staring at me. I forced myself not to turn and look at him.

Should I go and talk to him? No, don’t give up soon my mind said. But my heart longed to talk with him, longed to go and join him. I convinced myself that I should not talk with him.

I turned my head to see whether he is still there. He started his bike and drove past me. I just stood there staring at him. Maybe I should not have done it. May be I should have proposed to him but I feared that he would run away from me. Has anyone been close to his heart? Even if he has someone close to his heart he would not show the emotion. He would keep it hidden in his heart.

He is different. He used to shout when someone guessed anything about him. He is short-tempered but he doesn’t show that to anyone. He always says that he get frustrated whenever people gossip about whom he likes. He was different but I liked him. I love him and always will. No matter what happens. I smiled like a crazy person.

The way he looked at me kept disturbing me. His eyes showed me pain, love, confusion and much more. Is that all it showed? No, it showed me much more than that.

That look pulled me towards him. When I looked at my face in his eyes, it was the most beautiful moment in my life and it evoked all sorts of strange emotions. I wanted to pull him towards me and bury my head in his chest, in his warmth. A melancholy tone hummed in my head whenever I thought about his eyes. I closed my eyes and his face used to come in front of me but now it was his eyes that came in front of me.