Fundamentals of Insanity

Self-Imprisonment

The mind is an absolutely powerful thing.It is a controlling force that has the very power to destroy us or make us.I have never been so enthralled with something,as much as I am with the mind.Everything that happens,our life experiences,our thoughts,our pain,our sadness,hatred,anger gets stored in the encyclopedia of the mind.It has it's own index from which we channel our emotions,thoughts and actions.Memories are one of those indexes from which we personalize ourselves and it adds character to the person we are.What happens when we become a prisoner of our own minds?When we channel the negative parts of our minds and ourselves.I am specifically referring to those that suffer with depression and anxiety.The world has maddeningly labelled it as one of their medical illnesses,something that can be solved with medicine and regular psychiatry visits.People do come out of their depression and anxiety but it's more often then not by drawing from their innermost core an undeniable strength.I personally suffer with anxiety and depression and I've learned to live with it.I have accepted that I cannot cure it,and I don't have to.Here's why.... A lot of people suffering with depression and anxiety are portrayed to be weak-minded and cowardice.They cannot emotionally handle trauma and cave under the pressure.This is not so,they're actually quite strong.These people go through their day to say lives while constantly battling with their mind,while constantly wanting to cry,or harm themselves or do drugs.Constantly yearning for some sort of wonderful relief.There are multiple types of mental illnesses but these are the common ones.Well to me they aren't illnesses or diseases,to me it's like a limp.You can continue walking,but the limping will remind you that you cannot function at optimum capacity,it's always apart of you.So too does depression and anxiety.It never truly goes away.As for medication,I was prescribed extremely strong antidepressants and told by the doctor that it will worsen my mental state of mind but eventually will start to help me,,, and I was at the limit of my worst.In fact I have even exceeded my wordst.When I began taking them,I experienced hallucinations,lucid dreams that were basically manifestations of my horrid self-murdering thoughts.I was always perspiring and felt overall lethargic,miserable and immobile.I was diagnosed with borderline personality and those of who suffer with this disorder display tendencies of extremely impulsive,risky behaviour.Our perceptions of ourselves are a little less then awful,we project boundless negativity and also are severely pessismistic.Basically it is just another way to say we are depressed and we need medication to make up for our mental deficiencies.No.No we don't.How to we become like this? What leads to depression or anxiety? Or these other disorders which people consider a medical problem.Before I continue let me elaborate as to why I do not think psychiatric disorders are not an illness,mainly because it is not like the flu or common cold.It won't go away with a programme of antibiotics and a good rest.Roughly 320 million of this entire worlds population suffer from depression and it is such a deadly disorder because it has caused the deaths of millions of people.It is not patternistic in it's ways but actually works by element of surprise.There is no way to pre-determine or anticipate it's effects because it strikes at any moment and people snap at any moment.As much as we are made aware of the symptoms or signs a lot of it's worst effects occur all of a sudden.It is a silent killer so to speak.Now many people will disagree with me but I am talking from personal experience.A lot of people have survived this plague and overcome the war with their own minds.

Many support groups and organisations around the globe gather together to discuss their struggles with dealing with this disorder and the common denominator is well.... Talking about it.The mind is such a powerful but in all fairness fragile thing.It is referred to when making life changing decisions but easily emotionally corruptible.When something hurts our hearts,our mind suffers as a product of inability to process these emotions correctly.Well there is no way to process them,our minds dwell on that emotional pain because dealing with negative emotions is a gradual process on it's own.What leads to anxiety and depression is an often easily answered question.Trauma.Unbearable emotional trauma.If your phone gets stolen,no big deal.However losing a parent like I have,having abusive relationships like I have,or basically severe incidents like a death,poverty,poor treatment by society,being bullied,sexually or physically harassed lead to depression.It's a severe case which inevitably leads to depression,anxiety or a plethora of other mental issues.Your mind sort of retreats into a little box,a box seemingly of comfort and safety,devoid of judgement.To the world you seem insane,you seem a delinquent to society,complete with abnormalities incomprehensible by people.Venturing outside that box would mean entering a vortex of danger zones,each one more damaging and discomforting then the last.It is painful as it is unbearable to open your eyes every morning and force yourself to live the next 24-hours.When you look in the mirror you see someone imperfect,full of flaws that seem unfixable,you see someone worthless and hopeless.You constantly degrade yourself and feel that people treat you horribly because you're not good enough.The pressure of the world seems impaled on your shoulders and the feeling of nothing ness becomes a norm for you.You feel as though everything you pursue is a failure because you're a failure.Your heart feels crushed by the irrevocable heartache that anchors itself to the pit of your soul and when you sit in the corner of your room,crying your guts out because there's nobody who can possibly comprehend your level of sadness,you realise how truly alone you feel.This is a truly dark experience and for much of us,we feel condemned to a life sentence of heartache.Your mind snaps and distorts from reality and the only relief seems to come mostly from things that will ultimately destroy you.I personally have come across people with multiple different mental illnesses and their treatments as unique as their mental classification.F or paranoia,and yes paranoia is seen as a disorder as well...it is a general one and I don't even believe how it can be classified as a disorder.This world is such an uncontrollable environment it's almost impossible to not be consistently on your guard and yes to an obsessive level.Constantly being scared that you're going to be harmed or robbed or deceived are common aspects to be paranoid about.It's precautionary however there's an extensive level to which paranoia emphatically crosses the line,for example,wrongful assumptions which lead to harmful or otherwise completely insane behaviours.In this case paranoia is a defect,for example if you are paranoid about the world coming to an end,you make placards with warnings written all over them,you hand out pamphlets and start storing canned food in your basement,of course this is insane,a kind gesture,but crazy as hell.These are harmless assumptions but there are severe assumptions,like assumptions of your partner having an affair which ultimately drives you to murder them because you cannot handle the deception that you think is occurring on their part or you want to prevent it before it even happens.These are harmful forms of paranoia.All in all its the dishonesty and barbaric nuances of humanity the these people are constantly scared of incurring,they constantly have a shield of defence to prevent being harmed or hurt.The thing is no matter how much we try to guard ourselves bad things and events will inevitably happen,we can't prevent it,theres always going to be a loophole and that tiny loophole is enough to allow for almost anything to happen.Thus paranoia being one of many disorders the common treatments are basically to keep the mind busy,anti-anxiety medication or trying to step out of your comfort zone.Paranoia is a huge part of anxiety.According to science there are certain parts of your brain from which emotions flow and eventually surface when triggered in a certain manner.The hippocampus or the prefrontal cortex is situated at the front of the brain and is responsible for the accurate release of a hormone called cortisol and during times of stress or depression this hormone is released excessively.This part of the brain is said to be the database for your life's memories and a simple hormone imbalance can cause a release of extra cortisol as opposed to normal amounts.Basically the amygdala initiates your emotional responses and excessive amounts of cortisol causes an enlarged and hyperactive amygdala and leads to disturbances in sleep patterns and emotions.Now I'm not going against science due it having proving most theologies accurately,but when it comes to emotions I sincerely feel you should not affiliate it with science.

I was prescribed two types of medication after diagnosis of borderline personality and major depressive disorder namely citalopram and zopiclone.Citalopram was an anti-depressant meant to help me overcome my mental health issues.The side effects?Hallucinations,difficulty breathing,feeling of intense depression and hopelessness,trembling,sweating,to name a few.Zopiclone has similar side effects and this was to combat my insomnia,you experienced voices or things that weren't there,delusional thinking,paranoia,sleepyness throughout the day,depression and let's not forget the probability of fertility problems.So...this is my point.If depression or anxiety for example were illnesses treatable by medication why do all have worsening side-effects.The reality lies in the fact that if you already being depressed,were to take the above-mentioned medications hypothetically speaking then you would worsen and eventually kill yourself or do irreparable damage.Thats my point,not everything is solvable by science,not everything is explainable by science.Has it ever occurred to anyone that our emotions,our comprehension of the world around us,our functionality is something beyond science,it is actually almost supernatural.It is basically relying on our own will power and strength and drawing from ourselves a power beyond fathomable limits.I prefer to be insane because sanity is just like perfection in human-kind,it almost doesn't exist.I have embraced it and those that feel less then human because their brain functions differently and their mindsets aren't what people would consider normal should stop and take a look at the world around them.Nothing is normal,psychopathic behaviour stems from the world and people around us.People will inevitably sadden us and so will the world.We cannot change or cease things from affecting us but we have a say in what affects us.Fighting your mind on a daily basis is tiring and also draining but that's what life is.You want something you have to fight,you fight for your happiness,you fight for peace of mind,you fight to survive and you fight for your life.Noone can possibly take that away from you.I felt the pain of every suicidal person who thought they weren't good enough,for all those who were surrounded by people that stole every piece of you that made you ,you,for + beauty and their light.This prison you are keeping yourself in,that cell in your mind with crosses on the wall counting down your days left on this earth,break free of it.Remove the chains of your past from your ankles because it's weighing you down,you can't even move or walk forward.Say it loud and proud that words can't hurt me,my past is my learning ground for a better future,my heartache,my pain,my anger I'm leaving it in the prison of my mind and I'm walking out free.I will get hurt,I will fall but when I stand back up I'll be taller then ever.