All I want (twenty one pilots fanfiction)

Chapter Fourteen

[Thank you all so much for reading, it means a lot to me, really idek hahaha (this is how good i am with words. so hyeah again, sorry for the mess with the last 2 chapters. Another upload as an apology, haha :)

now fir this chapter, nott so much as a trigger warning, but self harm will be mentioned in this chapter, nothing too detailed or whatever, just mentioned a bit. thanks for reading and commenting and everything, I reaslly really appreciate it <3]

“What the frick…” I woke up in the living room, lying on the couch. It was dark and my throat was dry. I sat up a little, under my duvet, and saw my blanket fall on the floor. I picked it up and walked to the kitchen, turned on a small light and drank some water. On the clock of the microwave I read that it was 2:57 AM. I wasn’t completely sure what happened, so I thought back.

I went to Audrey’s garden party, with Tyler. And after that, we went to my house and watched a movie. Did I fall asleep? Or was it all a dream? I did not remember getting my duvet and all that, and I probably would’ve changed into my pajama’s if I did so. Confused,  I walked back to the living room and grabbed my phone from the table. I didn’t have any interesting texts to read now, nor missed calls or anything like that. That’s when I saw a note laying on the table, I picked it up and started reading.

Jenna,

Sorry I left you by yourself on the couch, I couldn’t stay because my parents would start to worry and all that. I wanted to put you in your bed but you looked so comfortable on the couch and I didn’t want to wake you, so I decided it’d be better to get your bed over here. I had a great evening and I hope you had too. Once again, sorry I couldn’t stay.

            :.: goødnight :.:

I sat back on the couch. I had indeed watched a movie with Tyler, we watched Jack Ryan or something. How could I have fallen asleep? “great job, Jenna. You’re watching a movie with a cute boy and fall asleep. Great job.” I whispered out loud. “and by cute boy, I mean good friend.” I added. I didn’t even care about talking to myself, I had gotten used to it. I even talked to myself in public. I just couldn’t stop doing it, so I decided not giving a shit about it would be the best way to deal with it.

“Sorry I fell asleep :(“

I wanted to add more to my text, but I simply didn’t know anything to add. I contemplated whether I should take my stuff upstairs and go lie in bed, or just stay on the couch, I figured I was too lazy to take all my stuff upstairs, so I remained downstairs. I was still tired, and wanted to sleep,  but after two tries I decided that it didn’t really work. I got up and walked to my bag, and pulled out the CD Tyler had given me.

I put the CD in the DVD player, and soon after it started to play. I looked on the back to see which song would come on first.

Guns For Hands

The music was pretty upbeat and sounded kind of happy, not bad so far. I laid back on the couch, closed my eyes and listened to Tyler’s soft voice. The words he was saying kind of shocked me, to be honest. “I know what you think in the morning, when the sun shines on the ground. It shows, what you have done, it shows, where your mind has gone. And you swear to your parents, that it will never happen again. I know, I know, what that means, I know.”

Tears welled up in my eyes, just at the thought of it. ‘Does this mean… that Tyler cuts himself ? something like that? Or that he used to do it? Or does he just understand why people would do it? I mean, that wouldn’t be a happy thing either…’ the thoughts raced through my head. I felt a tear slide over my cheek and started whispering out loud, which I did more often, especially when I was worried. “I don’t want him to hurt himself. I want him to be happy. I need him to be okay.” I looked at my arm, a little above the part where it bends. Old scars. Almost faded, yet visible enough for me to see them. I softly rubbed my skin, making the skin surrounding the scars a little more red than the slightly dry skin itself. “Glad it’s all in the past.” I thought to myself. I was still struggling sometimes, or actually more than sometimes, but I decided that it was better to point my feelings toward something else, even though it was hard.

I realized that the first song was over, and I was now listening to the song Tyler had showed me earlier. I knew it was almost over, since the lean with it, rock with it part was already playing. Laying my head back, I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to think back to the old days right now, because if that would happen, I would never be able to sleep. I listened to the music, to the lyrics, to the beats, to Tyler’s voice. Perhaps I was going to ask Tyler about it all in a few days, if I had the courage. I felt like normally it didn’t take much courage to talk to him, our conversations just felt abnormally natural and easy, even though we talked about pretty deep or personal stuff sometimes. I just felt… relaxed around him, for some reason. Yet, I didn’t want to talk about what he meant with that line in the song. Because it would possibly mean that I had to talk about it too. But maybe that was good, for once. It was halfway in the next song when I realized that my thoughts had once again drifted off. I was listening to some pretty fast rapping, and I didn’t actually believe it was Tyler. I looked at the back of the CD case.

Ode to Sleep

‘hahaha the irony,’ I thought, ‘it’s like, four in the morning.’ I wasn’t really into this rapping, though I did think it was cool he could sing this fast. I kind of wanted to skip the song, but before I knew it, the music became upbeat and the entire tone of the song changed. ‘Thiiiis is pretty cool.’ I thought. I restarted the song and just listened to it, realizing I had misjudged the song completely. Though I still had to get used to the rapping, I started falling in love with the song, the entire album, actually.

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The next morning I woke up at nine, because of the alarm I’d set. The DVD-player had turned itself off, and I had probably fallen asleep somewhere in the middle of the album. I looked at the back once again. Kitchen Sink was probably the last song I consciously heard, because I think I’ve heard Zack rap somewhere in the back of my mind. I wasn’t certain though, but it didn’t really matter. I made breakfast and ran upstairs, pulled on a basketball jersey and pants. I wouldn’t have to wear a hood or anything, because it was pretty hot outside. I checked my phone.

[6:49 AM, Tyler Joseph] “Don’t worry, girl. You’re cute when you sleep.”

I chuckled softly and felt myself blush a little, partly because of the compliment, partly because I was still ashamed of falling asleep.

“No, but really. I’m sorry. Thanks for the note you left :)”

“What did I say? Don’t worry. And no problem for the note, it’s the least I could do.”

“:) I listened to part of your album last night, it was great, wonderful even. I gotta go to basketball now, ttyl”

I added three basketball emoji and walked into the hallway. I grabbed my keys off the dresser and then walked to the door, which was locked. “wait.” I said out loud, “It’s locked, my keys are here, but Tyler must have locked the door.” I took my phone out and started typing.

“Uhm, did you lock my front door last night? I have keys here, it’s not a problem but… hahaha”

That was probably the most awkward way to end a sentence but I didn’t mind. I contemplated whether I should take my bike or my mother’s car, but chose my bike because of the weather, plus the fact that I loved how calm biking could make me. I grabbed my bikes’ keys and stepped outside.

“yeah, sorry. I saw a set on the dresser, which matched the door I was planning on throwing it through the mailbox in the door, but you didn’t have one of those. I couldn’t just leave the door unlocked or leave the key outside. I gave it to Mads, ask her for it at practice, okay?”

“Good one.” I replied, thankful for his caring about locking the door, which was not actually that important. But I’m not complaining, at least he cared, which made me ultimately happy. “Thank you, for all this :)”

“My pleasure.”