Flashbacks in Italics
There I stood, frozen, not knowing what to do when suddenly a memory flashed through my head,
How could you do this to your own child? Have you still a heart in you? Do you want to lose the last valuable thing in your life? I don't have anything valuable in my life Mother, not after she died. You fool, what about your son, isn't he still with you?
That question was never answered, the conversation my father and grandmother only proved that for him i was nothing, just thin air. He had abused me, thrashed me, kicked me around the house, down the stairs, into corners, calling me useless, threatening to kick me out. This time however grandma had seen and heard it all and she had been utterly shocked, not capable of understanding how he could do this. She had taken me with her, away from my father and all the painful corresponding memories. If she hadn't done so I might have died either of the abuse or from suicide.
My grandmother was the reason of my existence, the reason that i still lived. With her gone why should I live. My live wouldn't have any purpose anymore without her in it. No that wasn't true there was another reason that I lived one that was far more personal than anything else, my mother.
Flashback
Arthit..., someone was softly pulling my shoulder, Arthit wake up, your breakfast is ready. I slowly sat up,m while slowly shaking my head to get rid of the fog inside. I'm coming mother, i'll be down in 5 minutes. Don't let the tea get cold Arthit.
She always cared no matter what. Even if she herself was ill or tired she wouldn't budge. She woke me up everyday at exactly the same time. When then got out and went downstairs while still in my pyjamas i could sniff out the smell of fresh bread and croissants, pancakes, egg and whatever I'd tell her I liked. Nothing was too much, nothing was too little she literally did everything for me.
But then that horrendous day came, she went to the hospital with my father. When she came back she was silent, even though she didn't say anything about it that day i felt something was terribly wrong. The next day she told me, when in the evening the sun gave its last rays of light she suddenly took me in and hugged me. I could feel her tears dripping in my neck while I anxiously thought on all those things that could be wrong. It turned out far worse than I had could have ever imagined.
She began talking while trying to compose herself but her voice was broken and unsteady. Arthit, she paused a moment, your mom is ill, and if I am honest to you I must tell you that the doctors have no hope or possibility for curing me.I have a meningioma Arthit, a severe and very aggressive form of brain cancer.
I was out of words, the only thing i could do was clinging on to her muttering: it can't be, it really can't be, I started to scream NNOOOO!!!! Please NOOO, the rage and pain in my heart were unbearable. The thought alone of losing her caused an excruciating pain in my chest. But I knew what it was if it really was what she said there would be nothing we could do about it. she would be gone in a matter of several weeks.
During the weeks that followed she had become weaker and weaker until she couldn't get out of bed anymore. It was clear to me that her death was getting close and even though she remained calm in front of me I could hear her crying when she was alone. It was around 4 weeks after she told me that i came to her, she had called for me, when I entered she whispered for me to come closer, arthit, I have always loved you, you might be blind and others might tell you that you are useless, but you are not, neither will you ever be. Whatever might happen in your life Arthit promise me you never give up, I believe in you but now that my time has come to go it is now up to you to do the same, she paused before she went on, Arthit, never give up, never lose faith in yourself. She was exhausted and her voice now only was a faint whisper, while her breath got more and more irregular and shallow, she moved her mouth, barely audible but clear enough for me, I love you Art.... her voice stalled, her breath hitched and then stopped completely. She died with my name on her lips holding my hand. It dawned on me Even during her last moments she had taken care of me but now she was gone, forever gone.
The scenes that I witnessed when my father saw her laying there, dead, were terrible to witness, he completely broke down incapable of doing anything in the end meaning I had to prepare and handle everything ranging from the funeral to the handling of ma's will. In her will she had determined that all her money would go to me while the rest of her possession went to my father. She made a few provisions in her will giving me some personal things to remember her.
The funeral itself was painful and heartwrecking, walking behind the coffin while leading the procession it felt as if my heart was about to stop. I had been able to keep my composure for the past days but when I walked behind the coffin I broke down and wept bitterly. And no-one could help me, my father could barely handle his own emotions let alone comforting me. It was my grandma who walked with me but what could she do? She herself was crying as well seeing her daughters coffin before her.
When the coffin was lowered in the grave I fell down at my knees weeping uncontrollably, whilst shaking and screaming, mae, please, don't leave me. But it was to no avail, the grave was filled and the family walked back to the main hall of the cemetery. When we walked along the people I could sense their feeling of pity. The last thing i actually remember from that day is Grandma putting her arm around my shoulder, trying to soothe me a bit.
Since that fateful twist in our lives my father turned from oblivious into hateful towards me. Blaming me for her death. But whatever he said I always tried to remember her last words, believe in yourself, I always love you Arthit.
Boing boing boing, I Shook out of my thoughts, believe in yourself, the words echoed through my head, what was I thinking, what was I doing, there was so much I could do, should my mother's sacrifice be in vain? No it shouldn't, I should never let her down, I slowly moved towards the door, who is there? Your roommate. My roommate? Prove to me you aren't one of bright's men. Well you have likely read my info in the Condo administration file you got so go and check it, student ID 0062, date of birth 01.07.2000, name Kongpob Suthilak.
Kongpob Pov
Why the heck won't he just let me in, is he paranoid or something? am not gonna kill him or hurt him! why would he think so? And what did he mean by bright's men, has somebody been harassing him or something? that would be low indeed if that was true. The lock of the door turned, and the door was opened I took a step forward, looked up and froze, my jaw slacked, what the hell did happen to him,
wha.., I couldn't even finish my sentence as he rudely interrupted me- get inside so I can close the door. I took my trolley and followed him inside asking myself what I got myself into this time.
A.N
I know that they usually cremate in thailand but this allowed me to better explore the emotions plus i am not very familiar with budhist cremations and rituals.
This chapter mainly explains the thoughts and memories arthit had before he decided to open the door
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The unseen love
FanfictionAfter being born blind Arthit is neglected by his parents, bullied by his classmates and hated by his family, left with nobody really caring except for his frail grandmother he was completely alone. Could anybody change that? Disclaimer: I do not ow...
