Golden Arrow Reviews

Review #2: Twilight: A Different Kind of Love

Reviewer: taz2327

Story reviewed: Twilight: A Different Kind of Love by EmberShy

Side Note: I would love it if you could checkout one of my stories. It would mean a lot.

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This story is beautiful.

The beginning is strong and catches you attention very well. I strongly believe the begining of a story is very important (although if the beginning is poor you can still have a good story)

Side Note: I love how it's in Seattle, Washington. I can really relate to the surrounding. I'm not sure of you've ever been but it's beautiful and green. I can relate to that but not the LGBTQ so I will comment little on anything along those lines since I don't have the experience to.

While I was reading I noticed that you have some trouble with sentence length and structure. I saw a few run on sentences that could be fixed. I like to say that sentence variation is key. Your story will flow better if you have a mix of short, medium length and long sentences (when appropriate). In my writing it's constantly getting better so this is a very minor flaw that could be fixed with merely paying attention to it while you write.

In your first paragraph you used 'twin orbs' and it took me a second before I realized you mean eyes. I would take this out ASAP it's a wattpad thing that I personally hate because it sounds weird and everyone uses it. I love writers who thing outside the box and defy what a regular story does.

My favorite author Lauren Oliver uses wacky similes and in Delirium she switches perspectives the whole third book. In the whole second book is switches between 2 different times and I love it!! She also wrote a chapter that was like 70 words long then another that's like 3000 right after!! I know this is off topic but my advice to you is be different.

Okay back to your story. I don't love it when things are flat out said maybe incorporate more things into the plot. He told the reader he was gay and explained what he was like. Instead you could have continued the plot and let the reader know he is male at one point and keep going. Then eventually it's like oh plot twist he's gay. I didn't know that oh cool all my ideas that I had in my head about this book just got thrown out the window because that girl he was thinking about isn't his love interest. (I would add something like that to throw the reader off track)

So far I've been very negative. I know, I'm sorry. Your story is very well written. I honestly can't get enough of it!

Here's some more positive things I think you should be proud of.
♡You did a nice job of portraying Forks. I know Washington very well and it your descriptions justify it very well. Make sure to stick to that mindset and keep adding beautiful details in because it makes the story rich. (Especially if you know little things about the area others wouldn't if you want any to incorporate pm me).
♡Your dialogue is wonderful and it flows very well.
♡You keep the plot in mind while writing

Make sure to remember you don't tell the reader what's happening you show them by what happens. I think you have a lot of potential in this story. (I have skipped over all parts I thought were going to be mature)

Keep writing and stay positive. I know I picked apart your story but it all supposed to help you grow and achieve bigger things as a writer.

~ taz2327