Golden Arrow Reviews

Review #9: Disabled but Loved

Reviewer: PoisonedOak
Story: Disabled but Loved by ilovetodrawalot

Don't forget to follow and read the first chapter of PoisonedOak story with comments!!!

Uhhh, so this story is all over the place and there’s no definite direction with where it is going. I understand the storyline so I know what’s suppose to happen, but it’s not happening to the bet of its ability.

First: With it being a story about a girl with a disability you need to use that more in the story. The author note states that you don’t know anyone with this disability so that should motivate you to want to do more research to make sure this story does not offend anyone or make people with this disability seem bad. You only mention it a few times and some of the actions you mention don’t really make sense if she’s in a wheelchair like zooming downstairs or being shoved.

Second: The screaming and dialogue is.....something. I wasn’t able to read past chapter 5. If a character is yelling, you don’t need to add a BILLION!!!!!!!!!! exclamation points and capitalize it. Your writing should be able to help the readers know and help them visualize what is happening. It also draws away attention from what’s happening, it’s very unflattering to look at and read. For example, Tim walks down the street with Libby and says, “Did you see Ms. Johnson today?” Libby abruptly turns to Tim in excitement, “Yes! Her hair was outrageous!” I think using better words to help describe what happens will help a lot with dialogue.

Third: The story is moving waaaay too quick. You didn’t leave any room for character development or plot development. It’s like you’re trying to sum up everything in 10 chapters and then by the 20th chapter, they’re going to have grandchildren and on their death bed. Slow it down and give the story time to reach its climatic parts. Don’t rush to get out what’s on your mind, write it down so you don’t forget.

Four: The last thing I want to mention is the character interactions. They’re too fast and go by very quickly. I don’t remember what even happened in the first chapter. I’m not saying make it rememberable since it’s still just the beginning, but this connects with point three on how you can not rush things. The main interaction I want to talk about is the one between the two main characters. They’re interactions don’t make sense and don’t help the story. They’re 16/17, but are written like they’re 5/6 which is a problem. Also the emotions displayed when something happens needs work too.

Overall, it’s a work in progress book. It has so much potential to get better and I honestly have so much hope for that and I know it will be! You have a good foundation to support yourself and with just a few improvements this story will be the best it can be!

Thank you!