The Arrangement(mxm)

The Arrangement. 3

Zane Gibson

It was silent between us as I took him around the garden. I honestly had a lot on my mind. Not only was I engaged, I was engaged to another man and I had no way of getting out of it, also, I was about to officially take over my parents company in a little over two months.

To say I was stressed would be an understatement.

"So, come here often?" I looked over at Taylor and laughed as he winked and made it obvious he was making a joke.

"No, actually." I said musing and he chuckled.

"This is awkward."

"Well now that you said it," I threw my hands up in defeat and he laughed. For a guy, he had a very nice laugh, it wasn't too deep or too loud. It felt weird to be to even notice but I brushed it off.

We fell back into the silence and admired the darken garden.

"Listen..." I paused and turned to him. "I know this is awkward." I chuckled and scratched my back. "I don't want it to be but, I really don't know how."

"Well, it's a good thing we have the rest of our lives," he mentioned awkwardly and I just smiled.

"I'm going to be honest with you." I began and put my hands in my pockets. "I've always imaged myself settling down at 30, with a girl I dated for four years." He swallowed and avoided my eye. "I'm not telling you this to make this more awkward... I just...I want you to know that, this really was never a plan of mine. I need you to see the difference, the drastic change I'm adjusting to here."

"It's okay," he nodded and blinked rapidly. "This wasn't in my plan either." He took my hand then and I stared. "But, I think we can do this...as friends." He smiled at me brightly and for a moment, I forgot he was a guy. I gazed into his hazel eyes and found myself unable to look away.

Somehow friends didn't sit well but again, I brushed it off and took a deep breath, letting go of his hand with a smile.

"You said you liked swimming." I said, defusing the tension which begun to build and took his bicep in my hand, leading him gently to where a table and chairs.

"Yes, I was on the swim team in high school." My brows rose, "won three gold medals," I nodded feeling impressed.

"Nice," he blushed and looked down. "I did track and Soccer mostly." I told him then as we got into conversation about high school, what we loved and hated about it. Then we talked about hopes and dreams, which didn't get awkward.

I took him back inside where he said goodbye and I walked him to his car.

"Look," he said after opening his door. "It may never get easier, but, I really think we'll be happy." He smiled then and waved and I sighed wondering how long that would be true.

I'm not an idiot. Sure, we could probably end up very happy in our marriage even if we had no romantic feelings, but along the line, we would be miserable living with someone who the whole world believes was their husband but at home was anything but. We would begin to crave the affection only a real husband could give and I was afraid that when that time came, I would be the one to feel the gapping hole in my chest.

I knew myself well enough to know that I could get clingy, allowing myself to get closer to others always had that threat to me and I could tell by Taylor's charming smile and fun persona, despite being slightly quiet and classy, I would begin to get attached. Despite being straight.

_____

My friend laughed at me then as we sat in the diner for breakfast. I would be with Taylor soon for some shopping and also bonding later and before that, I needed my best friend.