Diary of A Gay Black Teen (boyxboy)

Desperate (Rated-R)

Its been three weeks since I been to school, been out the house, and talked to any of my friends. Chris and Kelly came over one day but I didn't wanna see them like this, h**l I didn't wanna see myself like that. When my bruises finally healed I still didn't wanna go to school but my mama wasn't having that. I went on and took all my nails off and they hurt like h**l. I was gone take my hair down but it didn't look as bad after Meeka came over and redid them after hearing what happened. The twins rode the bus since they lost their ride, and they said Trevon hadn't been coming to school I guess he lost his ride too. But who gives a f**k, he can be dead for all I care.

(Friday 1:00)

I was bored waiting for my sisters to come home. I had on my gray jogging pants with my gray tank top all snuggled up on the couch with a blanket watching my favorite movie Baby Boy with my popcorn on the side. When my mama got her taxes last year she bought a fifty inch Lgtv so it was like I was already at the movies. On every movie I always manage to fall asleep but didn't know it until somebody woke me up. It had to be the f******g door. My lazy a** did not feel like getting up so I just laid there hoping that who ever it was would go away, but they knocked even harder and I said who is it.

“It's Jay” “What you want?” I said while still laying on the couch. “I need my jacket.” “Yo jacket not over here.” “Mane can you just open the door?” I went and opened the the front the door just to see who it was. D**n I forgot the storm door was unlocked and it was one of Trevon's friends I just didn't know the nigga name.  “You gone let me in?” “You got Trevon with you.” “Naw he ain't here?” “Don't stand up here and act like you don't know my mama put him out for beating my a**, his a** probably staying with you.” “His a** ain't staying with me and I didn't know that happened.”  “You such a good liar.” I said sarcastically and attempted to close the door before he stuck his feet in the crack. “I ain't lying, I let the lil nigga borrow my jacket one time when he had to walk in the rain, I swear to God I don't know s**t about what you talking about.” I was speechless just by the tone he used but I still didn't believe his a**. He came over here for a jacket.

Really! That had to be code for drugs. I just stood there debating if I should let him in or not. He was kind of cute though, he had long dreads, tall as f**k cause he taller than me, skinny as h**l cause he skinnier than me. He was fresh too Raulf Lauren from head to ... “If you wanna watch something, go watch tv while I go grab my jacket from upstairs.” Jay said while breaking my train of thought.  “Don't get smart.” “So are you gone let me in or am I gone have to move you out my way.” I wanted to see that happen, his a** would say that after I let him in. “Whatever nigga.” Trevon didn't really have a room he just kept most of his stuff in my mama room and lied to all his friends saying it was his room knowing he slept on the couch. I followed Jay upstairs into my mama room. “You gotta follow me?” Jay turned around and said. “Aw I forgot this yo house.” I turned around and acted like I was walking off and kept following him. Jay opened the closet door and start moving stuff around.  “Why its women clothes in here?” “Cause this my mama room.” “I thought...” before he could even finish the sentence I said he lied.“D**n, no wonder it don't look the same.”

“You find it yet?” “If I found it I wouldn't still be looking right.” He looked at me like I was slow and I felt dumb so I shut up. “So what yo brother beat yo a** for.” “Isn't it obvious.” I gave him the same look but his a** didn't shut up. “Isn't what obvious?” “That I'm gay.” I gave him an even worse look but this nigga kept talking while he was rumbling through everything in the closet. “At least you ain't no down low a** nigga, you can admit that s**t.” “I cant help but admit it, at first I use to swear up and down I wasn't gay cause I didn't want nobody judging me.” “You should of said f**k the world cause no matter what you do or who you do it with, you gone get judged my nigga, that's life.” “I know.” “So you got a man?” “H**l No.” Jay looked up “Why you say it like that?” “Cause don't nobody want me.” I knew I was fine. I was testing his a** to a see if his a** was gay. “If I can get a b***h, I know you can get a nigga, I mean you ain't ugly.” Close enough, if I ain't ugly I must be fine.