Diary of A Gay Black Teen (boyxboy)

The Truth Can Even Be Hard To Believe

Ever since that day I been staying with Chris and I been avoiding Jay a**. He ain't even got none yet and he killing niggas over me. I don't give a f**k how much he cared that s**t ain't normal. Its been a week since I talked to my mama or my sisters.

(Saturday)

Today was Trevon's funeral. I missed the wake but I don't care how much I hated him I still was gone show my respect that I wish he only had for me when he was living. Chris and I had on our white collared shirts, black vests, black and white bow ties, black trousers, and some black dress shoes.

Yeah we matching. LOL CHRIS ALWAYS TRYNA BE LIKE ME!! I saw my mama and twin sisters on the first pew so we sat on the last. The service had already started and the church got pack real quick. All kind of niggas came in there dressed any kind of way. My eyes rose immediately when I saw Jay walking pass with his sister and some other dude. This nigga really BOLD. I said out loud without realizing it until Chris asked “WHO?” but because I was in shock I said nothing. This s**t was crazy. It was so f*****g crowded folks was standing up. Half of these folks I didn't even know. The service seemed like it would never end. Everybody was walking up there to see his body but me. I did not wanna see him like that. I only wish we would of left off on good terms. I saw Trevon old a** girlfriend leaning over the casket hugging Trevon, then Jay walked up throwing a stack of money wrapped in a rubber band inside.  When a man attempted to close the casket my mama literally pushed the man out the way. Seeing her like that made me cry so I walked out the door squeezing in between everybody who was standing in front of it.

I walked to the restroom and dried my face. As I looked to the ground wiping my face I heard foot steps so I looked up. Jay walked in with his black glasses on and my heart start beating fast as h**l. A tear fell down his face but he quickly wiped it. At first we just stood there saying nothing but Jay finally broke the silence.“You enjoying my gift?” He asked taking off his glasses to wipe his face once again. “Get yo a** away from me you did this s**t.” I yelled while backing away and crying. “Did what.” Jay said Trying to look clueless. “Killed my brother, that's what. ” I said still yelling. “You think I did that s**t.” Jay said taking off his glasses again while pointing to the door. “Then what gift I'm suppose to be enjoying right now?” I said with an attitude but in a more calm tone hoping he would prove me wrong. “Hold Up, what make U think I killed him?” Jay asked pointing to his self. I pulled up the text on my phone. “What the h**l that got to do with me killing him.” “Uh this the text I got after he died so you tell me what it mean.” “Why yo a** playing, you know you got them keys.” “What keys? And DOES it really look like I'm joking right now?” Jay pulled out his phone. “So you didn't get this.” He leaned towards me and it read

I'm sorry!! I know this won't make up for what happened bt Dont ask how I got it, its Yours now. Look on the side window       

                                      Sending...

I meant to add the last one to the first one but I pressed send before... I Stopped Jay from talking  by pointing to sending and Jay laughed. “Aww mane this phone Slow a**h**l.” He said grabbing it out my hand. “How the h**l it send this one but not this one.” Jay stated starring at his phone. “Now don't you owe me some type of apology.”  “Its  my fault." “What that suppose to mean, I know its yo fault." “Im sorry, now yo a** need to be apologizing for accusing me of killing yo brother knowing d**n well I ain't that f*****g crazy over yo a**.” D**N he didn't have to put it like that but THANK GOD anyway, that's a relief off my shoulder. “I admit I'm sorry.” I finally said. Jay chuckled. “Why you laughing." “I can't believe you really thought that.”

“You saying that right then and there made it seem like that's what you meant.” “You seen what happened?" “Nope and I really don't wanna ever talk about that day.” I could feel the tears escaping my eye lids while thinking about what happened seconds before he died, THAT COULD OF BEEN ME IN THAT CASKET. “You ain't gotta talk about it, just know I got who ever did this s**t.” Jay said wrapping his arms around me as I buried my head in his chest and held on to him tight. “You wanna get out of here.” Jay asked lifting my chin from his chest. Yeah I quickly nodded  without realizing I was leaving Chris. I grabbed my crutch and we walked out the church doors. Jay opened the passenger side door for me and helped me inside.