{Daughter Of A Man Named Wolverine}

[10] Its Time To Look Up

Life isn’t meant to be like box of chocolates, at least that’s what I believe. Once you notice that it is and you open that box. You will begin to find the chocolates you love, others you hate, and then those unexpected ones. The ones that you taste and you have no idea what to think of it. Yet while I find life is never meant to be like this, my life was like this. I had vicariously endured the great moments, tenaciously pulled through my worst losses, and yet life still has its ways of giving that one chocolate that throws you off your game. Maybe I’m just exaggerating this a bit, just a little.

“Yuki,” Uncle had happened to grab me after our very awkward breakfast with Logan. I had managed, earlier after my bath, to pull myself together and be sly and coy if need be, but it was all for nothing; I mean not with what happened. He seemed to only asking me very simplistic questions about myself. Such as: What’s your favorite color?, If I had a particular genre of music I liked, Favorite movie, What I like to do in my free time?, Favorite animal?  I’m pretty sure you can grasp the picture here.  It felt weird, so out of touch-then again my session in the shower wasn’t particularly a normal thing to happen- but this no one has really taken interest in who I am since…..since…god….since...Chad.

I shook my head then turned my attention to Uncle, we had made it to the kitchen, which was only a few feet from the dining room table. Logan had left to check out the bike, I had told him I was fixing up, in the barn.

“Listen I know it’s a bit weird having Lo- I mean your dad around asking you stuff about you. I mean hell I don’t remember asking you your favorite color since…..” He took a moment to tap his small amount to dirty blond stubble on his chin to think about how long ago it was. I flaunted my head in displeasure and began to wash the dishes.

He looked at me and quickly tried to regain my attention. “Sorry, hear me out ok. I know you aren’t going to like what I’m going to say, but you need to hear it.” He said with a bit of a huff to his figure then continued on. “Your dad or father, never really knew the difference between the two words, would like to talk to you about….you.” I scrutinized at him now, with a look of annoyance, as I put down my dish to dry on the rack.

“About me?” I replied with clear discontentmentin my voice, turning my attention back to the next dish in the sink “Why do I have the feeling you mean he wants to hear my life story Uncle.”

“Because that’s exactly what I’m- I mean he wants to talk to you about- He wants to know you Yuki and asking you questions like he did at breakfast was his way of getting to understand you. Your his kid Yuki you have to grasp that now; your no longer alone. I mean you…never were Yuki. He sighs. “You know that right? Right? Yuki?”

His word fading in to the background while the faucet water volume grew over powering Uncles voice. There was a window adjacent to the faucet, and I couldn’t help but lose myself in the view. My thoughts jumbled as the uncut grass swayed in the wind. ‘I was never alone. But he wants to know me. Maybe, no. God. Alone wasn’t I always alone? No’ I repeated. ‘I was never alone. I had… Why does he want to know me?’  The sun’s rays piercing threw the field melting the shadows of the green, and eradicating its counterpart of dark green from the shade of the grass itself. Even the smell of wet grass was fresh as if it had rained last night. Then the answer hit me. ‘He just wants to know about me………no. He wants to know about Chad.’ I broke the trance the outside had captured me in and felt pain. ‘He wants to know how I failed. Just like how he did with mom.’  

I returned myself to the real world, letting go of my guilt for the moment. The sound of the faucet lowered with in the same time Uncles voice began to gain its volume.

“Hey kid! You heard what I said right?” I finished up the last dish , turned the running water off, to then dry my hands.

I finally replied. “I heard you,” My voice was bitter.  “but I want to know.” I threw the cloth on the counter. My eyes darkening as I looked up to him. “Does he want to know me or does he want to know what I’ve failed at? So we can just sit there and compare our failures?? How we both seem to be screw ups??! Or is it that he just wants to know the countless times I’ve endangered your life? How the people in the town down the road fear me?? How they’ve banned me from town??? HOW THEY SEE ME FOR THE THING I’VE BECOME?!?”