Tied by fate ~ Ereri / Riren {Omegaverse}

12. I love him.

love
/lʌv/
noun
1. A strong feeling of affection
2. A great interest a pleasure in something

Eren's P.O.V
I slammed the door loudly behind me, running down the hallways of the Ackerman Official building. My vision was blurry due to my heavy crying. I can't fucking stop. I can't stop crying and thinking about what Levi did.

"Eren!! Stop! Are you okay??"

A loud voice called from behind me, and a quickly turned around to see Hanji. I had met Hanji the first day I was here, and we've gotten close ever since. She was like a second mother to me, she cared for me and knew when something was wrong.

"L-Levi. He forced a memory out of me that I didn't want him to see because every time I look back on it I realise how stupid it was. He forced his way into my mind and now I don't how to feel okay."
"Eren, come sit down in my office. We can talk about it in there."

She put her arm around my shoulder and lead me to her office. It was a very casual office, but had strange pictures of her colleagues on the walls and in frames. There was a simple desk and bookshelf either side of the room, with a small coffee table and sofa towards the middle of the room.

I sat down on the black sofa, pulling my knees up to my chest and hugging my legs tightly. Hanji sat on the other side of the sofa.

"Eren, what was the memory he forced out of you. That's if you're comfortable telling me."

"When I was younger, I had a hard time dealing with intense emotions. I suffered from self harm and depression, one day reaching the lowest point in my life. I tried to kill myself. I didn't want Levi to know, because I don't want him to think I need constant protection and looking after."

"Wow. I'm sorry Eren. I don't know what to say. The advice I'll offer is give yourself some space, but also Levi. He's probably beating himself up about this right now. Just stay strong okay. Go home and get some rest or something."

"Hanji?"
"What is it Eren?"
"I think I love him. Like properly love him. And I don't know what to do about it."

Levi's P.O.V
"I think I love him"

I know I shouldn't have been using my enhanced hearing, but I did anyway. I wanted to make sure he had left safely, but noticed his leaving was interrupted by Hanji.

What he told her, filled me with new emotions I had never even encountered before. I just wanted to hold him, kiss him, love him and protect him. There was just something about this boy that made me want to do anything for him. I would die for him, if it ever came to it. The way he walked, how his hips swayed as he took each step forward. His laugh, how his eyes would widen and his whole face would brighten up. His smile, how it could make any bad day, a good day. Just him. I loved everything about him. But I knew that loving Eren, resulted in my death. Which in some twisted way, made me love him even more. Fate had written our future, we're both just fated to die, at the cost of our love for each other.

But Eren's confession, also made me feel guilt like never before. I know we promised no secrets, but if I told Eren what I knew it could change his whole life, and possibly our relationship. I love every part of Eren, but I also love my true form, and my family, even though I'd never admit it out loud. I want to protect him, but I also want to protect them. My true form makes me dark, and a terrible person. I'm programmed to respond to anything with violence, and cause pain upon those who do me wrong. If Eren knew what I've done in the past, he'd never forgive me. I still haven't forgiven myself. I can never tell Eren, what I did. I don't want to hurt him, but I don't want to hide secrets.

~Few days later~

Eren's P.O.V
"You said you were okay with it! I'm sorry Mikasa but I can't change who my mate is, no matter how much you want me to!"
"Eren he's a terrible person. He's a murderer. A killer!"

The words that were coming out her mouth were unbelievable. Levi is a good person, mikasa just doesn't know it. She's known me basically my whole life, which means she should know how much it means to me to have found my mate. I feel bad for hiding my true form from her, but it'll only put her in danger.

"He's not a murderer. He's not a killer. Maybe if you made the effort to try and get to know him then you'd see how much of good person he is!"

Anger was building up inside both of us. The hurtful words kept bursting out of our mouths for a decent 5 minutes, before the conversation escalated and we both reached breaking point.

"A good person? Eren neither of you are good people! You lie. You lie to yourselves. You lie to me. You lie to each other! You both don't know how seriously bad this is! If you were to get hurt, I wouldn't be able to cope, Eren. After your mum and dad passe -,"

"Don't even bring my parents into this! Mum and dad treated me far better than you ever have! And I'm not going to get hurt mikasa. I can look after myself."

"What happened the last time you told me you could look after yourself?"

That question was enough to push me over the edge. Suddenly my past came running back to me and I felt the familiar feeling of tears in my eyes. It was at this point in time I realised we were outside Ackerman Official, having such a personal and explosive argument basically In front of everyone. No one was actually present at the scene of course, but people could probably hear.

"I-I. That's not fair you can't bring that up!! That wasn't my fucking fault and you know it Mikasa!"

The tears continued to stream down my face, traveling from my eye, down to my chin, and dropping to the ground. The only thing I could think about at the moment was Levi. How I needed him. But he wouldn't want to come, of course. We hadn't spoke since our argument, and now I was yet again causing another one, just with a different person.

"Eren, I just want you to be safe. And I don't think Levi's the best person to keep you safe. It'll just be a repeat of what happened in your last relationship. And you'll end up you know, feeling like there's nothing left, again. Please, just don't go back to Levi. Let's just leave here, and start again."
"I'm sorry, what? You want me to just fucking leave everything behind and come with you? Have you just forgotten my whole life is here? My childhood home, my mums fucking cabin, Levi. Levi's here."
"Levi's not your life Eren. I am. I'm supposed to be. I'm your sister. Please Eren, just come."

Tears had begun forming in Mikasa's eyes, and she had removed the red scarf I had once gave her when we were children. She was holding out, as if to say 'take it if you're coming'. I couldn't go, I didn't want to go. Levi is my life, I love him, and I can't change that. No one can.

"I'm sorry, Mika. But I can't. Levi is my life, and there's nothing I want more than to be with him. Just go, please. I don't want you here anymore."

My heart was breaking as I spoke the last words. My mum had once told me, in order to love someone new, you must let go of your love from the past. I had to let go of Mikasa. I'm growing up and I don't need her as much as I used to.

I watched as she dropped the scarf on the floor, and slowly started walking away. She turned around, taking one last look at me, before getting into her car and driving away. That was it. She was gone. I dropped to the floor, crying heavily. My crying had gradually become louder during the argument, but now it was just deafening.

"L-Levi. P-please, I need you."