MAY, 1990, SEATTLE, WA
THE END
KURT HAD COME home physically, but mentally, Lindy believed he was no longer the same person that she had met in Krist's garage three years prior. There were still hints of him there, flashes of the man that she had continued to love with each passing year, but overall, it seemed that he had grown so depressed by the state of their relationship that he had changed himself in order to cope with it.
They were both sitting on the couch, but not as close as they normally sat to one another. There was a gap between them, a gap of cold dead air that could not be filled by touch.
Lindy was in plain agony. She felt their mutual attempts to keep the spark of their relationship alive, but even she knew that Kurt had already thought of the worst. He was caught up on the fact that he never saw her and never would she fit neatly into his rockstar lifestyle.
She had never felt so meager and useless in all her time of being alive. Even in her childhood, when Lee had berated her constantly and looked down at her with an expression that made it obvious he was constantly wishing she had been his second boy, nothing had hurt as badly as what she went through now.
She thought of her mother. She tried very hard to guess what advice Hannah would offer on the situation, but came up with nothing. This only pained her more as she realized that she had not gotten to know her mother as well as she wished. Trae had been somewhat helpful, offering a listening ear, but he otherwise only managed to give her weak reassurance that everything would work out.
Even Krist and Shelli had not been satisfactory enough for Lindy. What could they possibly understand of a failing relationship? They were still freshly married and deeply in love.
And above all, Kurt was a conundrum. No one could ever discern just how much it troubled him to feel his joint world with his girlfriend being put at odds. For so long, he had felt united as one with Lindy, but he was finally beginning to see that they were different, their ambitions far too stark of contrast to mesh well together.
The buzz of cartoons on the television was the only sound penetrating the room. Kurt had Freddie in his lap as usual, absent-mindedly stroking his fur with his eyes trained on the television screen. But Lindy could tell he wasn't watching Garfield and Friends, not in the least bit.
"Are you going to talk to me?" Lindy belatedly asked. Her voice had developed a faint scratchy rasp to it from the exhaustive amount of crying that she had done in secret.
"We've talked, Lindy," Kurt mumbled back, not making eye contact.
"Yeah? Then how come you haven't mentioned that you fired Chad from the band the other day?"
Kurt twitched in his seat, but remained vigil in not meeting Lindy's eyes.
She had heard from Krist that Chad had been unceremoniously kicked out of the band, a decision made by Kurt although he had contended that Krist do the actual explaining part to Chad of why he was no longer wanted by his bandmates. Apparently it had not gone badly, but it'd still been awkward. Chad had been an integral part of Nirvana, a caring friend in their toughest moments, but Kurt had taken it upon himself to conclude that Chad was not a good fit anymore. According to Krist, Kurt had even gone as far to launch a pitcher of water at Chad's face during their last show.
