LINDY DID NOT sleep after Kurt left her that night. Rather than doze, she rapidly paced around her apartment, trying to settle on one emotion out of the millions that she was feeling.
If Kurt was a ghost of her past come back to haunt her, than she decided so be it. She would happily accept his haunting.
For two years, Lindy had adamantly refused to pursue the idea of Kurt any longer than she already had during her time with him. She had spent so much time, a dreadful amount in fact, trying to climb over the mountain of his memory and emerge unscathed on the other side. She thought that she'd been doing somewhat of an okay job, but then he'd come back.
She didn't resent him for returning. She could try to put on a face and gripe that his untimely arrival back into her life was detrimental, but the real Lindy, the Lindy who had fallen for Kurt on the very day that she had met him, was deeply thrilled to have him back.
Since she could not lull her body into sleep, Lindy stopped her pacing and ended up sitting in her room, digging through the things that she had collected throughout her relationship with Kurt. Most of it was his artwork and things that he had left behind when he'd walked out of her apartment that day. Other things were more personal, like love letters that he had left her and gifts he'd bestowed. She'd even gone as far to put his K bracelet back on her wrist.
One particularly intriguing item that she found was a Polaroid image of Kurt that she had taken while he'd laid in bed. He was looking at the camera with disdain, having not wanted to be photographed, but he looked utterly exquisite. Lying there shirtless with his long hair, Lindy thought she'd never seen a more beautiful human being.
The next morning Jack called, asking politely how Lindy's Thanksgiving had gone. Even though she really had done nothing wrong, Lindy felt a dark cloud of guilt hanging over her head as she told Jack 'I love you' before hanging up the phone.
She supposed that she could have done the proper thing and alerted him that her ex-boyfriend had stopped by; but then again, it wasn't the kind of thing that someone in a couple would want to hear. Jack might become angry.
Lindy decided that she would tell no one about Kurt's visit. If and when he came back to her apartment, and if these visits became more frequent, she would consider letting the people she was closest to know. But for now, it would be a secret that she would harbor all to herself.
She wasn't ready for anyone's judgement. She wanted to be able to enjoy Kurt without that nasty guilt piling up on her, preventing her from savoring the incalculable amount of time that she'd have with him.
While at work, Lindy went about her day normally and did her best to act like her usual self, especially in front of Beth. She must have done a good job, for Beth did not pelt her with an assault of questions about her behavior.
She saw Jack too, and was internally thanking the heavens above that they were both in their workplace. If he had reached out to touch her, to stroke her face or lean in to kiss her mouth, she worried that she would flinch away. She agonized over the thought that the next time Jack may have attempted to make physical contact with her, she'd imagine Kurt's face.
When Lindy left work and finally arrived home, she was welcomed by a less than expected guest.
Kurt was sitting at her doorstep, his back pressed into the front door and his elbows on his knees. He was smoking a cigarette and wearing fingerless gloves. He looked so deep in thought, staring out at the main road that Lindy almost didn't want to disturb him. But her tiny squeak of surprise caught his attention.
"Hey," he said remorsefully. He stubbed his cigarette out on the ground and rose to his feet. "I didn't know when you'd be home. I just wanted to see you."
