THE HARDEST PART about being human is being granted the ability to feel every range of emotions on a fickle spectrum that is always prone to change whenever it so pleases. Being human means being gifted the chance to feel happiness in its extreme, the kind of bursting, energetic light that is ignited from within.
But being human also means coping with unspeakable pain. Soul crushing pain, pain that you can literally feel pushing you deeper into the abyss.
You have a precarious choice when you are human. That choice is whether you decide to live or die. Because when you're human, you are capable of taking your own life, if you so please. Nothing in the world can interpret or fully explain the hurt one feels when they are prepared to die by their own hands.
But sometimes, it is the absence in their hands that leads to the killing. It's the spaces that could be filled and the lack thereof which leads them to do it. And when another hand decidedly fills those spaces, closing around them and holding tightly, it makes a difference in happiness and heartbreak.
In light and dark.
In life and death.
_________
Lindy was sitting beside Kurt, her hand still tucked inside of his, having never let go of it since they had both left the greenhouse earlier that day.
Now, they were seated in the living room of his Lake Washington home. The entire house was freezing cold, totally void of any heat. Cali had apparently not been proactive in the upkeep of the house. There was not even a morsel of food for anyone to snack on while they waited.
Of course, Lindy would have preferred that she and Kurt be anywhere but there. After what they had gone through that morning, they were both emotionally and physically exhausted. She could not decide who was more drained — her or Kurt.
They both had the appearance of two people who had perhaps escaped a mental asylum. Between the bags beneath Lindy's eyes and Kurt's pasty white skin, Lindy wondered how it was possible that they were both still functioning after the ordeal that they had been through.
The only thing keeping her consciously aware that they had left the greenhouse was Kurt's hand in hers. Every now and then, he would squeeze gently, a silent reminder that he had not left her. She appreciated every gesture made that proved to her that Kurt was indeed alive. As much as she wanted to rejoice in this, she could barely stand on her feet. All she wanted to do was lay down in bed with him and fall asleep with her head on his chest, right next to the spot where she could his heartbeat.
In front of them sat an odd lineup of guests who had come over to the house hours beforehand. Cali was of course present, having been at the house when Lindy had dragged Kurt through the front door after towing him away from the greenhouse. The ex-nanny looked nervous as he chewed his thumbnail, avoiding Lindy's eyes. Lindy had the feeling that he was anxious to see how Courtney would react to the present situation.
Krist had come over as well, but he'd left Shelli behind, knowing that when Courtney finally arrived it would be better if Shelli were absent. He was sitting close to Lindy and Kurt, staring at them both with an expression of awe as he bounced his legs up and down in his seat.
In front of the couple next to Cali was Kurt's lawyer, Rosemary Carroll. Kurt had insisted she be called, but so far he had not contacted any of the other business professionals in his world. He only seemed to trust Rosemary with the knowledge of what had happened that day.
