APRIL, 1993, SEATTLE, WA
FOR THE FIRST time ever in her entire life, Lindy was beginning to take seriously the idea of getting married and having kids.
It wasn't as if this dream had never crossed her mind before — there had been plenty, if not countless times when she had daydreamed of her perfect wedding and starting a family with the person that she loved.
Most of the time, Kurt had inhabited these dreams as that someone that she shared all of it with. In the time that he had been removed from her life, Jack had idly taken his place, but had never truly fit amongst those dreams. But just as she had done as a teenager, Lindy was trying very hard to picture herself in five, ten, even twenty years down the road.
Maybe it was because Allie had recently sent a picture in the mail of her and Trae — her belly was starting to really show.
Twenty-four was not an old age by any means, but Lindy looked back on the past and couldn't help but to laugh at herself. When she had been nine, drawing colorful pictures in her room and listening to an old Van Morrison record playing 'Crazy Love,' she had idealized that she'd be married by twenty and have at least two kids by twenty-three. So far, she had swiftly missed both of those benchmarks.
Instead, she had fallen in love with someone who still remained unattainable to her even when he laid in her bed, unclothed and caressing her morning-mused hair out of her face. It was moments like these where Lindy deeply regretted sending Kurt out of her apartment on the fateful day when they had split.
If she had just stuck through it, if she had persisted in their relationship and loved him harder, maybe they wouldn't have been in such a fucked up situation. She was almost sure that they would have been perfectly fine.
Kurt wouldn't be married, for one thing. He wouldn't have a child, which was something Lindy hated wishing for. She never lumped Frances into her fantasy of keeping Kurt just the way he'd been back in nineteen-ninety. She wanted Kurt to always have the joy of his daughter. But regardless, if she had tried her very best, they may have been married by then. Back then, Kurt had told her that by the coming December, he had wanted to marry her.
Maybe they would have even had a baby of their own. A baby with Kurt's features and Lindy's dark eyes . . .
And most important of all, Lindy could feel a deep resonating feeling in her heart that she could have prevented Kurt's insatiable draw to heroin. She would have stopped it before it had even come to fruition in his thoughts. There would have been no need for him to start to begin with.
"You're so quiet," Kurt whispered. His soft lips brushed past Lindy's forehead and she shivered. The window to her bedroom was open, allowing the cool April air to permeate into her apartment.
"I'm always thinking," Lindy sighed. It was true. Her mind always seemed to be running into overdrive those days.
"I'd never encourage you to not think, but maybe I could distract you for a little," Kurt suggested slyly.
He rolled over on top of her, cupping his hand against her cheek and kissing her deeply, slowly. When his body was fully on top of hers, a shudder of longing rippled down to her legs. They were still undressed from the early morning, in which Kurt's first initiative upon waking up had been to pick up where they had left off the night before.
Lindy breathed heavily when Kurt drew his lips from hers, dragging his mouth down her neck and to her chest, where he placed loving kisses across her bare breasts. His hand slipped beneath the sheets, lingering between her legs. She jerked responsively at his touch, emitting a soft moan.
