DECEMBER, 1993, SEATTLE, WA
THE ONLY DIFFICULT part about leaving New York for Lindy had been the fact that Kurt would be returning to his In Utero tour and would once again be saying goodbye to her after a terribly short reunion.
The same night that he had visited her hotel, he'd ended up leaving with the knowledge that Courtney would eventually return back to their own hotel expecting to see him there. He'd held Lindy tightly and she'd done the same, despising that their perfect night had to end the way it did.
She had laid beside him beneath the mountainous waves of bedding, curling her fingers around pieces of his hair and caressing lines down unshaven, stubbled his face.
"I've got to go," he'd said. The words were uttered in a painful, twisted whisper.
"I know," Lindy had replied. She'd painstakingly watched as he had gotten up out of bed, putting his clothes back on. The hours they'd spent together had flashed by and already felt like a memory to her. She wished that she could have reversed time, even just thirty minutes worth of it, so they could be back in bed playing twenty questions again. The game had become their shtick. There never tired of listening to other talk and didn't mind when they heard the same repetitive facts that they already knew about each other. Each was a reminder of much they knew one another, inside and out. They were the secret keepers of each other's souls.
"Kurt?" Lindy had said softly, sitting up and clutching the gold comforter to her chest.
Kurt had turned towards her as he buttoned his jeans. His mouth was set in a tight line.
"Yes?"
"Best night of your life?" she asked. One last question to their game -- one more nugget of truth about him that she could fall asleep thinking about.
Kurt approached the bed and knelt against it with his knees, taking her face in the cradle of his palm and leaning his forehead against hers. She physically felt the whisper of his response as it had washed over his face in a rush of breath that smelled of sugar and cigarette smoke.
"This night."
And then she had watched him leave, stuffing his trapper hat back onto his head and closing the door to the hotel room with a muted click.
It was painful and unfair.
To have watched Kurt give the performance of a lifetime and then spend one amazing night together, the best of his life, before he was whisked away was hard on Lindy. She regretted taking it for granted. Kurt had pulled off a surprising few hours in which he could see her, but then there was their goodbye and that had been it; their little sliver of heaven was cut short as they returned to their separate lives. She would go back to Seattle quietly, the memories of what had taken place being her only keepsake of the trip.
While the tour continued on, Lindy made herself busy at home as she always did when she wanted a distraction. She prepared for the upcoming holidays and worked extra hours at the hospital. During a later phone conversation with Trae, she was happy to dive into great detail about how wonderful the MTV Unplugged performance had been.
"It was so damn amazing, Trae. I've never seen him do anything like that before."
"I saw it on television. He did do really well. They all did. I was impressed."
"I really do love him," she said gently. Trae, bless him, never seemed to mind how often she declared her love for Kurt. He had already learned long ago that nothing would keep them apart.
"Is he coming around for Christmas?" Trae asked, sounding genuinely curious.
Lindy screwed up her lips, wishing she had a more positive answer to this question. "No. He and Courtney are taking a vacation together and he's also still on tour."
