My LAZARBEAM

[Chap 13] Scars

A/n: there is a strong content in this chapter. Like hurting yourself in different ways. Eating disorders. And some sexual content. You have been warned!

When I wake up I could feel Lannan's hands on my thighs and stomach. My shirt has come up a little bit. My heart starts to race. What if he felt it? All of them?! What the fuck should I do?! I don't know how to tell him or say. I try to go up, but then I feel a hand grabbing my wrist, and pulls me back to face Lannan. He stares right into my eyes. So many feelings is going through his eyes. Sadness, fear even anger. His eyes starts to water up.
"G-goodmorning?" I stutter
"Why? Why didn't you tell me?" He ask almost choke at the question
"T-tell you?" I try
He then angrily pulls up the cover, showing my scars on my thighs wide open. He looks right into my eyes, with a tear rolling down his eye. I break the eye contact and look down so he doesn't see me crying. I pull his shirt over my thighs again.
"Please babe, tell me. I want to be there for you." He says crying
"I-I..." I stutter out while trying to hide that I'm crying. I wipe away my stupid fucking tears.
He lift my head up and look at me in the eyes, and I cover my whole face with my hands. I start to cry even more.

"STOP IT! STOP FOR FUCKS SAKE!" I scream and run away trying to stop my tears that are flowing down my face. I can't handle my anger anymore. I start to scream and get so fucking frustrated. This is what happened when I "turned off" my emotions. I can handle my sadness by getting angry instead. That way I don't cry or look weak. And now when I start to cry, I feel like I'm not worth anything. Like I'm dump, lonely, weak, stupid and ugly. Like when I was in high school and Lachlan bullied me. This is all his fault. Now I can show emotions, I can only show anger.
"B-babe?" Lannan say behind the closed bathroom door
Shit, I forgot that I was at his place. What do I do now? I could hurt him, I mean, I have before. I hurt people, even those I love, when I get angry. My temper is so strong, I can't control myself.
"I-I don't want to hurt you..." I say
"Please babe, I-I just want to be there for you"
He carefully opens the door. I just sit on his bathtub edge, trying to control myself. He looks at me, sad. I take a towel and throw it at the floor with all of my power. He just looks at me, don't even flinch. I stand up.
"WHY ARE JUST STANDING THERE?!! I CAN HURT YOU!! I AM NOT A GOOD PERSON! PLEASE, please...." I scream, and then starts to cry. I fall down to the floor, but Lannan quickly catch my head before I fall down.
"It's okay babygirl, I can take it..." Lannan whispers
"I'm a mess. Why do people even like me?" I cry out
"People love you, because you are an amazing person, who have a big heart"

I hug him tightly and try to calm down, and it works. I feel safe in his comfort. His arms around me feels like a shield from everything bad around me. I want to tell him that my mess is all of Lachlan's fault. But I'm afraid that I would ruin everything for everyone. But that's what I do. I ruin everything that I get close to or care about. Even my family, that's why I moved to Australia. I can't ruin more things for them.

"You don't have to tell me right now. I won't force you to do anything that you don't want to." He say calmly
"I want to tell you, maybe it will help me with my feelings or some shit." I say
"O-okay"
"So, these scars are from when I cut myself...both with knives and scissors. I cut myself because I was bullied by my weight in high school. I did all sorts of stuff to go down in weight. I got anorexia, and had many eating disorders. I spent a whole year trying to heal up. Then I started to cut myself, because the bulling continued. When I bleed it kind of felt better, and fat disappeared from my skin. So I guess it was for both sakes. Take away emotion pain with physical pain. But also lose weight."
I say crying. Lannan is just staring at me with tears dripping down his cheeks.
"I'm so sorry for you. I wish that you would never go through that. I hope that the guy or guys that bullied you gets hit by a car." Lannan say. Yeah, I hope that Lachlan gets hit by a car.

I kiss Lannan, and we start to kiss each other passionately. There is so many emotions in out tongues and lips. Lannan carries me to his bed, we still kissing each other. He lays me on the bed. We both are so turned on. He takes of my t-shirt and my bra. He then takes of his sweatpants, leaving him in boxers. I can see his huge boner. He slowly kisses me up on my thighs, sometimes follows some scars. I take of your last pieces of underwear that are separating us from collide together. He's on top of me, supporting his weight with one of his hands on the bed beside me. He slowly thrust inside of me, making me moan.
It hurts because he's huge. We move
in sync. As he go faster, I can feel my climax building up inside of me. We then climaxes together while moaning out in pleasure. We catch our breath, and just cuddle up. So many emotions.

Word count: 1010