If Only

Chapter Sixteen: Chaotic Silence

JADE

The next morning followed the same routine as countless days before. I stood before the mirror, grappling with resentment for that one mark on my skin, rolling my eyes at my self-critique. Then came the hot shower, followed by another critical examination in the mirror as I dressed for school.

However, something felt amiss since I woke up. Typically, Jared would have sent me a text by now, but my phone remained strangely silent. I had checked it at least three times already, hoping for a change, but there was nothing.

As I descended the final step of the staircase, my mom appeared from the dining room, impeccably dressed with a cup of coffee in hand and a warm smile on her face.

"You're early," she remarked after I gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Am I?" I replied with a cheeky smile before heading to the dining room.

"You look happy," she observed as she followed me.

"I don't know... maybe," I shrugged, attempting to hide my smile, but mothers have a knack for uncovering their children's feelings.

"That's nice... You know, I haven't seen you like... like this in a while. You know, with all the happy vibe and stuff," she said, setting down her coffee and pushing a plate of pancakes toward me at the table.

I sent her a smile and replied, "Thanks, Mom," before eagerly digging into the pancakes. I hadn't even realized how hungry I was until that first bite.

*****

I followed my usual morning route, a path I had taken ever since Jared became a part of my life. The sight of the familiar pavement leading to the sidewalk that surrounded Gramps' house always excited me at this time of the morning. I knew that any moment now, Jared would appear on the sidewalk, either leaning against the wall or simply standing there. I couldn't help but picture him in my mind, puffing on his cigarette, leaning on the wall, lost in thought. It was a heavenly sight...

But as I stepped onto the sidewalk where he should have been, he was nowhere in sight. Confusion crept over me, and I found myself furrowing my brows in puzzlement.

"Huh... No texts? No sign of Jared here..." I muttered to myself, growing increasingly concerned.

Just then, Chandler emerged from across the street, his damp hair indicating he had recently showered. He ruffled his hair with his bare hand and greeted me with a nod.

"Jade," he said, stopping in front of the gate.

"Heyyy... umm... I was wondering if you, umm... have seen Jared... anywhere?" I couldn't bring myself to meet Chandler's eyes as I asked. Maybe it was because I felt a twinge of nausea. Even after all this time of him seeing me hanging out with Jared, I couldn't bring myself to ask him about Jared's whereabouts. I worried it would make me sound more desperate. I knew some painting and drawing would happen, causing a delay in their plans, but in the end, they always ended up in bed with him. I couldn't understand why my mind was going down this path.

"I'm sorry, Jade. I haven't seen him around. I was with the guys at Natalie's. Didn't see him there. I don't really know where he could be at this hour, since he usually comes by here at this time of the day," Chandler replied.

"Oh... Okay... I-I umm..." I struggled to find the right words.

"But hey... If I see him around, I'll tell him you stopped by," Chandler offered a warm smile, trying to ease my discomfort.

With that, I decided to end the conversation and walked toward school. It was too early to be there, but I had no better option.

"Oh... okay. That'll work... I can deal with that... Thanks anyway," I replied and left the scene.