If Only

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Echoes in the Night

As much as Tyrone insisted on keeping me company throughout the nighttime, he eventually relented. I genuinely needed some time alone to collect my thoughts, especially given the conflicting emotions that had been overwhelming me.

The temperature dropped dramatically, and I instinctively wrapped my arms around myself to ward off the chill. Small, white puffs of cold air escaped my mouth.

My gaze was drawn to the sky, where a multitude of stars decorated the galaxy. It struck me as ironic how the vastness of the cosmos mirrored the chaotic state of my mind.

Flurries of thoughts whirled through my head, making it impossible to focus on any single idea or reflection. Everything felt like a jumbled mess, and I couldn't find a single thread to hold onto.

From my father's relentless berating about the arrangement with Tyrone, to the swirling conflicting feelings Tyrone himself ignited within me, the weight of it all bore down on my shoulders. And then there was the constant anxiety clawing at me, spurred by the photo Agatha had posted. What if Jared had already seen it? What would I do then?

The questions rattled around my mind, each one a jagged edge, threatening to fray my composure. Why did everything have to grip at my every nerve? And if he had seen the photo, wouldn't he understand? He knew this wasn't what I wanted.

I love Jared, truly I do.

But my thoughts were a tangled web, a labyrinth I desperately needed to unravel in order to face the reality before me. Peace and resolution, that's all I sought. Once I found that within myself, maybe then I'd be strong enough to confront it all.

It was baffling how even the smallest things seemed to set my heart racing, my palms clammy. Fear was becoming a constant companion, an unwelcome shadow that clung to my every step.

A deep sigh escaped my lips, a heavy exhale that spoke volumes about the turmoil within. It was clear to anyone who heard it that I was far from okay.

I squirmed, a silent plea escaping my lips and reaching out to the heavens. I held back any sound, fearful that even a whisper might be overheard. It was maddening, really. Even in the act of shedding tears, I couldn't escape my own apprehension.

Each silent sob carried with it a wave of self-condemnation. Why did I have to let my emotions take hold like this? Why did everything feel so daunting, so overwhelming? And why did it always seem to end in tears?

This felt like miles away from the solace I sought in the confines of my bedroom. Was this the price I paid for emerging from my self-imposed isolation? Should I have just stayed locked away?

In those quiet moments, I could've taken the time to truly grieve for Gramps, to find some semblance of closure. I wouldn't be thrust into this maelstrom of emotions, facing everything I should be but felt woefully unprepared to confront.

As I continued my stroll through the neatly mowed grass, putting more distance between myself and the mansion that no longer felt like home, the noise of the strangers within worshipping my father's feet still echoed in my mind. I couldn't help but notice a soft, whooshing sound originating from the hedges that had grown tall along the surrounding fences. Lost in thought, I hadn't realized just how far I'd wandered until I reached the gate.

I was in the midst of discreetly dealing with the pesky snot forming in my nose when a tall figure suddenly emerged from above the hedges. They climbed over from the other side and vaulted onto the inner part of the fences. I was startled, my body jolting instinctively, but exhaustion muted any potential scream. Instead, a sense of relief washed over me as I began to make out the features of the nighttime intruder.