If Only

Chapter Thirty-Two: Patch Things Up

As evening descended, Lizzy and I returned home. The look on her face was priceless when my mom greeted us, and though unspoken, I could sense her gratitude that I hadn't spilled the afternoon's events in front of my mom.

In the dining room, it was just me and my mom. After our dinner, I offered to help with the dishes. Lizzy insisted she could lend a hand, but my mom wouldn't hear of it. With a resigned sigh, Lizzy retreated upstairs to rest in my bedroom.

Silence settled over the dining area, broken only by the gentle clinking of plates being placed in the dishwasher. I watched my mom work, her movements deliberate and focused. This scene would have been unacceptable in my dad's eyes; he preferred to lean on the idea of "we have a maid for a reason," a notion my mom vehemently rejected.

She must have noticed my prolonged gaze, because she eventually spoke up.

"You're quiet." She turned her head to look at me, hands still immersed in the sink.

"Is there something else I should be?" My tone was laced with sarcasm, earning a smile from my mom.

"I know you're thinking about California." Her words caught me off guard. Indeed, the thought hadn't left my mind since last night when dad called to tell me he wouldn't allow me to go... with Lizzy, of all people.

She could see she'd struck a chord, and she sighed, finishing with the plates and placing them in the dishwasher. Finally, she turned to face me, a sympathetic look in her eyes as she leaned back against the sink. She assessed my expression before pushing back.

"No. Don't. Don't have second thoughts about going, Jade. You go. I'll deal with your dad. You go and have fun." She crossed her arms.

I sighed and looked down at my feet. "It's not exactly fun when your mind takes you back to a place you don't want to be right now."

"That's why I don't want you worrying about what your dad might do. My charm hasn't rusted, it'll still work on him." She winked at me, and I could see the pride in her eyes when her attempt at a joke made me chuckle.

"You should go and have adventures, just like you planned when you were little. Isn't that what you've always wanted?"

Her words lifted my gaze to meet hers. She understood. She knew I wanted to be just like Gramps, to embrace whatever adventure life had in store for me. To have fun. To find peace. To find love.

And I let her words continue.

"It's what your Gramps would've wanted for you, to explore, to find the joy in the world. We all know for sure it isn't found in your bedroom." She spoke, and it made me smile again. I was starting to appreciate how I no longer needed to suppress a smile around my mother. I could even look at her while doing so, and seeing the warmth in her eyes as I smiled freely lightened the load on my shoulders even more.

"Your dad doesn't know half of what fun feels like," she remarked, causing me to look up at her once more. She nodded in affirmation, standing firmly behind her words.

"Trust me, Jade... I know," she added, nearly coaxing a laugh from me with her last remark. I could feel my smile reaching my eyes.

I shrugged and mirrored my mother's posture, leaning against the counter with my arms crossed. In a moment of reflection, I opened up about the thoughts racing through my mind.

"I just can't help but dread what'll happen when I return home and he's here," I confessed, my voice tinged with caution and anxiety. No matter how hard I tried to push the thoughts away, they lingered, ready to resurface.

"Just don't think about it."

"I can't 'not' think about it. It's unavoidable."

"Whatever happens when you get back here after a few days will unfold naturally. Don't fret over what comes next. Just savor the moments in California, appreciate what's happening now. There's a reason they call it the present. You enjoy it without constantly looking for what's next, don't you?"