If Only

Chapter Nineteen: Harmony of the Past

JADE

I opened my eyes, greeted by total darkness. Jared must have slipped away earlier and turned off the lights. I took a moment to stretch my arms and legs, allowing myself to fully embrace the enveloping darkness of my room. While stretching, I felt a slight soreness from below, but it wasn't enough to hinder my movements. The soothing silence filled the space, with the only sounds being the steady rhythm of our heartbeats and Jared's calm breathing as he peacefully slumbered beside me.

I replayed the last words I had uttered as I reached the peak of pleasure just before Jared collapsed onto me. Recalling how he had acted so nonchalantly afterward, and how he continued to sleep undisturbed, it became clear that he hadn't heard what I had confessed. I found myself torn between two reactions: disappointment that he hadn't heard and acknowledged my feelings, and gratitude that he hadn't heard it, preventing him from distancing himself from me as a result.

As I lay there, staring up at the ceiling, I turned my head to gaze at his sleeping face. An idea occurred to me, given that he was deeply asleep and unlikely to wake soon. I carefully propped myself up on my elbows to observe him. He appeared tranquil, lost in his dreams.

His mouth was slightly ajar, emitting quiet snores. My gaze lingered on his unruly hair, which partially covered his forehead in a charmingly disheveled manner.

Taking advantage of his slumber, my eyes wandered over the upper part of his bare torso, free from the confines of the blanket. His inked skin fascinated me, his body a canvas adorned with tattoos, leaving little space for anything else.

I fought the urge to reach out and trace the intricate edges of his tattoos.

I, too, was unclothed, without the comfort of the blanket to shield me. As this realization washed over me, a familiar heat rushed to my face. My mind quickly replayed the events of the past few hours.

I could still feel the electric touch of Jared's fingers, slowly exploring the contours of my body. It was as if his touch lingered, as though he were with me even now, though he slumbered beside me.

My expectations of how I imagined my first time were never met, but I couldn't help but smile. Jared had given me more, far more than I could have ever imagined.

The way his breathing quickened each time he moved above me, the way he swallowed my moans each time the pain resurfaced, the way he comforted me when I sought solace by gripping his shoulders – it was all unforgettable.

I found myself biting my lower lip again as a smile crept across my face.

I had done it. I had given myself willingly, and it had been to someone I felt deeply attached to – Jared. In the future, I knew I wouldn't have any regrets because I had willingly and wholeheartedly surrendered to love.

My gaze wandered in search of something to cover my nudity, guided by the faint moonlight peeking through the curtains.

The floor caught my eye, and there lay Jared's shirt. A sudden instinct told me to pick it up and wear it, and that's precisely what I did.

My feet felt cold as they touched the carpet, and I grabbed the shirt, pulling it over my head. The soft fabric reached just past the middle of my thighs, covering what needed to be covered.

I felt a hint of embarrassment at the thought of searching for the underwear I had worn earlier, so I left the warmth of the bed, taking care not to disturb Jared's peaceful slumber. I ventured into my walk-in closet on bare feet and found a fresh, clean pair of panties to put on.