If Only

Chapter Thirty: Defiance

JADE

I had just finished taking a shower and found myself sitting on my bed. The recent events had triggered my anxiety, and I felt compelled to ensure my windows were securely locked and the curtains tightly drawn. I needed to make sure that if Jared decided to show up, he wouldn't catch even a glimpse of me from my balcony.

Wrapped in a tight embrace of my knees, I clung to them as if they were my lifeline. My mind was consumed by what Natalie had revealed about my father's past actions. It was evident that she had auditioned for my father before, and this newfound knowledge only fueled my curiosity. Did she possess artistic talents like Jared? Did she sing or dance? What had she done to provoke my father's mistreatment?

I wasn't defending my dad in any way; I knew he could be ruthless when he chose to be. Perhaps he had grown tired of Natalie's sharp tongue and decided to retaliate. Regardless, my father had no right to jeopardize her college education and her future.

My phone had been buzzing incessantly on the nightstand, and I could easily guess who the caller was without even checking. Lost in thought, I contemplated how Jared had manipulated me.

All this time, I had been slowly breaking down my emotional barriers, believing that Jared was doing the same. Little did I know that he had ulterior motives all along, using me as a means to an end. His true intentions were now crystal clear. I wasn't the one he cared about; I was just the key to what he desired.

I had trusted him with the intimate details of my strained relationship with my father, fully aware that if he achieved his goals, I would never confront my dad about it. He had exploited my vulnerability. I couldn't fathom how I had fallen for it.

Tears, which I had tried to suppress since arriving home, now flowed freely down my cheeks. My eyes swelled from a fresh bout of weeping. I buried my forehead in my knees, muffling my sobs. What had I done to deserve this? Had I concealed something so dangerous from my parents that it had led me to this point?

I shouldn't have placed my trust in Jared from the start. If only I had cut ties with him earlier, if only I had kept him out of my life, I wouldn't be drowning in this misery. But deep down, I couldn't ignore the fact that he had been there for me during my darkest days, helping me cope with my grandfather's loss and my fractured relationship with my father. Today, however, had revealed that it was all a facade to achieve his own objectives. It wasn't genuine.

I had fallen for it, and I had fallen for him, believing that he had reciprocated those feelings. All his words, which I had clung to as if they were real, turned out to be nothing but a deception. The mere thought of it made my stomach churn with sickness. My lungs seemed to constrict, making it a struggle to draw in each breath. I found myself back in the same state, the very pit of despair I had fought so hard to escape.

It was as if I had returned to the dark abyss I had painstakingly climbed out of, and the bitter truth was that Jared had been the one to push me back in, leaving me more shattered than before.

I knew I would likely retreat to the solace of my locked room once more. Even if it meant crying myself to sleep and grappling with the torment of being used, I was determined to find my way out of the darkness, this time, on my own.

Thanksgiving week

I had the luxury of not needing to wake up early that day. It was already noon when my eyes fluttered open. My hand instinctively reached out in search of my phone on the bed, and I checked for any messages.

There was one particular sender I was actively avoiding: Jared.

Fifteen days had passed since our last encounter, and I was determined to keep it that way. He hadn't stopped trying to contact me, flooding my phone with messages. After our confrontation in the rain, I'd asked my mom to drive me to school and pick me up every day. She was more than willing to oblige, eager to do whatever she could for me, especially since my dad was away on a business trip with his colleagues.