Ashton Irwin was in love with his cousin's best friend, Michael.
The problem with that was that Michael only saw him as one of the guys.
When Ashton comes back from summer vacation with a brand new look, suddenly he is catching the eye of everyone a...
I couldn't help feeling guilty about everything, even though I knew it wasn't all my fault. I hated that he kept trying to pull away, I thought we were doing well until he started keeping things from me. I checked my phone to see that my text to him was still left unanswered. Maybe hehasn't checked his phone. I pressed the call button, expecting him to either ignore it or pick up. Instead it rang until his voicemail answered. Fine, if he doesn't want to check his phone, then I'll go to his house in person. I got in my car after sliding my phone in my pocket and made the short drive over.
After receiving no answer when I rang the doorbell and knocked, I got a little worried seeing as his bike was still parked in the driveway. Trying the door, I realized it was still unlocked. I went in, calling his name as I searched the house. My worry only grew the longer I couldn't find him. I checked his room to see an envelope on his bed with Kye written sloppily on the front. My hands were shaking as I ran to the bathroom praying that the envelope didn't mean what I thought it meant.
When I opened the door to see him lying in the bathroom, I heard someone scream. It took too long for me to realize that the scream had come from my own mouth. I ran over to him, tears already rushing down my face. He looks so pale aside from the red leaking down his arms. Please let him be alive. I need him. I love him. My hands continued shaking as I dug my phone out and dialed Brendon while I tried to find a pulse.
"B, I need you to come to Ash's house. I, I need you to drive." I choked out through my tears.
"What's wrong Ry? Why are you crying? Did you guys get in another fight?" Brendon asked. I could hear him moving around in the background, so I knew he was already on his way.
"Please just come now." I said before hanging up. I tossed my phone to the side, finally finding a pulse. It was slow and weak, but it was there. I lifted Ashton out of the tub and dressed him by the time Brendon walked in. When he saw me sitting there, my clothes already soaked red in places, he immediately understood my duress. He helped me move Ashton to the car before driving us to the hospital. It was while we were sitting in the waiting room that I finally read the letter.
Ryan,
I'm sorry for how everything has turned out. I never meant to hurt you. You were the first guy to ever make me feel this special. I can't stand living with the pain I've put you through, let alone everything else I'm dealing with. Please don't hate me for not being strong enough to make it through this. I could never be as strong as you are, you're one of the strongest people I know.
Tell Mikey to grab the bag out of my closet, I don't need my parents or Luke to find any of that when they clean out my things. Tell him I'm sorry to him too, he's my best friend and I couldn't even properly say goodbye to him. I love him so much, but I can't put myself through that pain too. Not after I'm finished writing this one, and I needed to write you this letter.
Don't let Pete mess things up with Patrick, they're perfect for each other. I really think that if anyone can get Pete to clean up his act it would be Pat. And make sure that Patrick knows not to let Pete fuck shit up, he's got all the control there.
Tell Frank and Gerard thank you for everything they've done for me. And tell them I'm sorry for all the shit that I put them through too.
You guys have made the time that I've known you all amazing, but the truth is that I was fucked up before you ever met me. I put on a fake smile and tried to tell everyone that I was happy. I figured if I convinced enough people, maybe I could eventually convince myself. It never worked, but you did. You managed to make me happy, and for that I can never thank you enough. I'm so sorry that it wasn't enough.
I've had problems for years, this just happens to be the year that it all finally became too much. Problems that I thought I had taken care of, came back, along with new problems I never could have guessed would show up.
Please take my phone and call Liam, Zayn, Harry, Louis, or Niall. They deserve to know, and I was too scared to call or text them. They need to know I love them, they have always been family, and no one could ever replace them.
I've acted like an asshole these past few days, I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt. I'm sorry for all the hurtful words and especially my actions. Please remember me not by those actions but of all the happy memories we shared; like when we were driving in your car. You were wearing your leather jacket and sunglasses. I thought you looked absolutely stunning and just had to take a picture of you. You didn't even realize until I had already taken it and started laughing because you were so focused on everything else.
God, I'm sorry that this has gotten so messed up, I tried to keep my thoughts organized. Please just, don't hate me for what I had to do. I am so sorry.
Ashton
P.S. - I love you, so much. I'm so sorry I could never say that to you in person.
Once I had finished reading the letter I choked down a sob as I read it over again. How could he ever think I could hate him? I loved him too. Why didn't I ever tell him that? Why did I let so much time pass without telling him how I really felt? I wiped my tears once I realized they were dripping onto the page, I can't let them smear his words. Brendon was currently away from me for the first time since he had gotten to Ashton's, so that he could call and let everyone know. I folded the letter and slid it into my jacket when I heard the someone enter the waiting room.
"For Ashton Irwin?" She asked.
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