36 - Passing

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Sim has been in a coma for three days now and every time I look at him, I know that it was my fault that he is here. If it weren't for the things I'd done, the way I'd been, I think things would have turned out so different, and so much better for him... Ichor still hasn't come back and I believe he's run away from us. I wouldn't blame him if he did... There was so much that he saw that I tried to hide and so much suffering for things I should have let go. Now that Gerald is dead, I really can let it all go but I've scarred him too much to make amends. He knows how I feel and has accepted it in the best way that he can.
Ichor was never very good at change or stress...
I held Sim's hand as he laid there, barely alive with machines hooked up to him and his body so limp. Looking at his face, he looked exhausted and worn out. He'd lived a hard life too.
"Dexter?"
I turned as Tamari came into the room and I turned back to Sim.
"Y'know... He had said that his head was hurting him a little and I should I said something to them about it... Maybe if I had just seen the signs then I could have- could have done something."
"Baccã, it's not your fault, Dexter. Don't blame yourself for everything... not again..." Tamari said, wrapping her arms around my neck.
"How can I not? Everything I do hurts the ones that I love. Be it my children, my friends, my family... everything I do causes them pain."
Tamari came around to the front of me and held my face in her hands as she stared at me.
"Stop doing this to yourself. Sim wouldn't want to see you like this and I don't like seeing you this way. Please, stop doing this..."
I pulled her to me as I buried my face in his stomach. She ran her fingers through my hair and I just stayed like that for a long time until I felt more composed and pulled away.
"Have you found Ichor yet?"
"No... The twins have looked all over the place to see if they could find him but they haven't seen him at all."
"I should have been a better father to him. He didn't deserve someone like me... I should have just ignored you and gave him to Tarot so that he'd know what a real father was."
Tamari jerked my face up and glared angrily at me.
"You are as good of a father, better even, than Tarot. You raised a son on your own and did just fine with him. If not for the horrors that that man put you through and the way that Ichor and the others came about, you still would have been a wonderful father. And I saw you try so hard, Dexter... I saw you try to get involved with Ichor but I could also see you distance yourself very much from him. When Kalij was born, I saw more of that but you still tried."
"But that's all I did, Tamari. Try. I didn't do anything to fix it or make it better for him to be around me. I just showed my devotion to Sim and Kalij and I know he felt left out and alone."
"Dexter-"
"Tamari, he hated me so much that he wished Sim –the only other man in the house older than him- was his father. How sad is that? You hurt your son so much that he wishes his older brother was his father?"
I couldn't stop the hurt from coming up and the tears began to slowly fall down my cheeks.
"He deserved so much better than me... He was so alone even when he wasn't... I give him this hatred." I looked up at her. "It's something that he deserves to have without any stipulations or rules. He has every right to hate me and there's no more excuses for him not to. This is the best gift I can ever give him and that's the ability to fully hate me and I will not stop him."
I turned to Sim, who's eyes were open and I jumped up.
"Sim! Sim?"
He was unresponsive and I ran to get the doctor. He came in and did a couple of simple tests to see if Sim was responsive but he wasn't and he nodded.
"I suspected as much."
"What?"
"He's still comatose but his eyes opening means that there is brain activity and that leaves hope for recovery. It might not be soon but that still means he's somewhat working for himself."
"Is that good?"
"Very good. It means there are more ways we can try to get him to come out of it and such. This is a very good sign, Mr. Leoda."
I nodded and grabbed Sim's hand.

***************************************

3 MONTHS LATER
It's been a while since Sim fell into his coma. Even though his eyes fluttered and he's jerked around a little, he is still comatose and nonresponsive. The doctor told us that his brain activity is very good though, which means that his mind is trying to battle his state and we never know if maybe he will pop out of it on his own. There is always hope but we try to keep hope at arm's length just in case something bad happens. Ichor still hasn't come home even though we have posters on all the missing person's boards around town. I had a feeling that this would happen so it doesn't bother me too much that he hasn't returned except for the fact that I hope it is of his own free will and not because he's been kidnapped or killed.
I have faith that one day Ichor will come home.
Strange things have been happening over the course of these three months as well in connection with science. First off, Jai took over Sim's nanobot project along with Tayla to help Tarot's research and they have made very good progress. Jai is also using Sim's nanobot technology to maybe try and get him out of his coma. He's almost as smart as Sim... Second, the government made contact with an alien species from outer space and has been talking with it for the past couple of months. They haven't shown their faces as of yet but they seem to have some promising aspects.
Or so they say.
After what Sim told me about what Gerald said, I am leery about these aliens. What if they are the very aliens that Gerald was talking to? Then again, why would they invade a whole planet just to get a hold of my family?

*************************************

I was feeding Northern some applesauce in the kitchen as I ate my own breakfast. I was off from the labs until Tamari got off and then I went in. We took shifts because of Northern and the kids were still in school so they couldn't watch her. Northern looked just like Sim when he was a baby and looking at her, playing with her, gave me some sort of solace that at least I had a small part of Sim with me if even just a little bit.
As I flew a 'plane' of applesauce into Northern's mouth, there was a knock at the door and I called Kalij to go get it. He was home from school with a stomach flu and I heard him get up from the couch. I couldn't hear who he was talking to but he came into the kitchen a couple of minutes later.
"Uh, Dad? The police are here." He said, thumbing at the door.
"What for?"
"I dunno." He said with a shrug.
I got up and handed the applesauce jar to Kalij as I went to go see what the officers wanted. As I turned the corner, I saw them standing in front of the door.
"What can I do for you officers?"
"You're Dexter Leoda, yes?"
"Yes, I am."
"We have a young man in custody by the name of Ichor Leoda at the sheriff's office. Is he your son?" the other officer asked.
"Yes! Yes, he's been missing for three months."
"I see... Well, he was caught shoplifting from a local grocery store. He looks pretty worn down and from what we saw, all he stole was food."
"He's been starving?" I asked, shocked.
"Looks like he was living on the streets since he ran away from you."
"When we brought him in he asked for you."
"Thank you! Thank you so much for finding him! We'll go right now and-"
"We can take you."
"No, it's fine. I can-"
"No. We'll take you now."
I felt something prick me and the world went black.

Scientific Crescendo - Book 2: The Genetics Project 🪼✔Where stories live. Discover now