Chapter #40

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Elton had left around midnight. We had said goodbye and he promised that he would check up on me the next day. I had told him that it was fine and he didn't have to do that. He obviously denied and said he was going to do it. I gave in and let him do what he wanted. After he left I went up to my room and sat down on my bed. I wasn't tired yet but I didn't know what to do. I looked over to my camera and thought about making a video. I shook my head. I wasnt in the right mind set to be doing anything that could possibly end up on the internet. I sighed not knowing what to do with myself. I didn't want to watch YouTube or Netflix because it felt like I had watched everything possible on both platforms. I fell back onto the bed and stared at my ceiling letting my head wander. It was a dangerous thing to do but there was nothing better to do. I had thought about today's events and how I could have handled things differently. I wondered if Colby was at his house right now thinking about the same thing. Or if I had even sorta crossed his mind since what happened. For all I know he could have gotten in his car and drove away happy as ever because he didn't have to deal with me anymore. Or he could be in the same situation as me right now. Crying because he didn't have to deal with me anymore. Crying because he knew that he screwed up or crying because of my screw up. Maybe he was on his way over to apologise and say how he couldn't live without me. Then I would apologise and say it was my fault and not his because it's true. I shouldn't have let him slip through my fingers. I shouldn't have gone to Ireland. When my head finally returned to reality I realized the tears rolling down my face. I wiped them away and climbed under my covers. I didn't change out of my clothes or anything. I didn't have that kind of energy. I shut my eyes to try and slip into a sleep that wasn't as painful as this reality. After awhile of tossing and turning I finally slipped into a deep sleep. As I had hoped my dream was nice. I had dreamed of when me and Colby had first started dating. Life was good back then. I had an amazing job, amazing friends, and an amazing boyfriend. Then my dream took a sudden turn. Me and Colby we're talking and laughing and I looked to him. I smiled and just told him how much I loved him. 

"You love me?" He asked. I nodded smiling. 

"Well that sucks cause I don't love you." He said. My smile slowly fell. 

"What do you mean, bub?" I asked. 

"Don't call me that! I hate you! We are through!" He yelled. I felt my heart snap into a million pieces. I was gasping for air. 

"I never truly loved you. It's funny that you thought I did. I was just bored and felt like messing with someone. I saw you and knew that you were vulnerable so you were my victim. I never loved you and I will never love you!" After he yelled that I jolted awake. I was gasping for air with tears streaming down my face. I was drenched in cold sweat. After a few deep breaths I finally calmed down. I laid back I started to shake. I wasn't cold or sick. I was just shaking out of fear. I was afraid the dream was right and Colby never truly loved me. I started sobbing. My shaking got worst and body felt numb. My sobs echoed through my room. I just wanted him to wrap his arms around me and tell me everything was going to be okay, but no arms wrapped around me. No warmth came over my body. My room felt empty and lonely. After about an hour of sobbing I finally stopped. I laid down and stared at my ceiling again. I couldn't go back to sleep. I couldn't be alone. I got out of bed and grabbed a few things and got in my car. I started to drive. When I got to where I wanted to be I got out of my car and knocked on the door. After awhile of knocking the door swing open. 

"Nancy!? What in the world? It is 4 in the morning why are you pounding on my door?" Elton questioned. I just went up to him and hugged him. He realized what was happening and hugged me back. 

"Okay. I see. Come in, hon." He said. I walked inside and flopped down on his couch. He asked me what happened and I explained everything. 

"That really sucks. I'm sorry." He said. I nodded. 

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