brave//5SOS

16

Emily

I walked inside and saw them all sat on the sofa. Ashton smiled at me and Calum beckoned me over.

I shook my head.

"Are you feeling ok?" Michael asked.

Again, I shook my head.

They all exchanged worried glances and Ashton sat up straighter.

"What's wrong? You can tell us,"

"Is it about what you said the other day because I told you not to worry about that hun, we aren't angry," Calum asked.

"But it's not ok you guys. You've done everything but ruin my life,"

"Come and sit down, we'll listen but I don't want you getting in a state," Ashton said calmly, lifting the blanket while I climbed under.

"I shouldn't have said what I said, and I know it's not affected you much but I can't stop thinking about it. You guys were the ones who never left my side. One of you was always there when I was throwing up, having scans,having a nose bleed and just feeling awful,"

"Michael was there when I couldn't sleep, Calum was there when I was terrified and angry, Ashton was there when I needed to talk about losing my hair or how I didn't feel ok. All four of you have offered me this home and don't nothing but look after me- even when I'm tired, moody and sick- and for me to tell you how you've ruined my life... it's just stupid and wrong. I've never even said a proper thankyou,"

Ashton rubbed my back gently, rocking us side to side. I clasped my trembling hands together, trying to stop it while everyone sat in silence.

"Well Emily, I think that was a very brave and respectful thing to do," Luke said, breaking the silence.

"You don't have to thank us, any of us, it's our job to make sure you're safe," Ashton said.

"But there's a difference between being safe and feeling safe and I couldn't have got through it without you guys,"

"We try our best," Michael said, coming over and hugging me from the other side. Calum joined in, putting his head on my shoulder. We stayed there for a few moments, silent.

But I always found that silence was the perfect opportunity to think.

"Guys, how long do you think I have until it comes back?" I said quietly, my voice cracking. Michael and Calum pulled away but Ashton pulled me closer, burying my head in his shoulder and undoubtedly looking at the others with concern.

"You haven't shown any signs hun, don't think about that," Calum said quietly.

"Calum,"- "Emily, let's focus on now...," Michael interrupted. Ashton's grip didn't loosen which I was thankful for.

"I'm gonna go to bed, come on Emily, I can tell you're tired too,"

Before I could protest, Ashton took my hand and led me upstairs to my room. Well, Calum's room that I'd now decided was mine. I knitted my eyebrows together, sitting on the bed.

"What you were saying earlier. I understand where Michael and Calum are coming from but you're 14 now and I can tell it's bothering you. If you want to have a serious talk about this then we can," he said carefully, sitting down on the bed.

I bit my lip, my stomach flipping as I sat next to him.

"Yeah... I want to. I already know the answer Ash,"

"Straight up, there is a high chance you are going to have it again and it could be soon. It could also not be soon, or not even happen at all," he said, holding my hand.

"But it probably will. It scares me Ashton, knowing I'll end up like mum- not being able to talk or wake up for very long,"

"What your mum had was brutal and extremely rare Emily, I'd be surprised if you ended up with that. I know it scares you sweetheart, it's been tough for you before but I promise that whatever happens, I will keep it in control,"

"But it's my third time Ash, it wouldn't take long for it to affect me,"

"I know but I promise I will never let you leave Emily. Right now, we need to focus on making you better and concentrate on everything going on in your head but if you ever have any questions, talk to me,"

I felt tears well up in my eyes and I stood up, not wanting Ashton to see me cry again. Turning towards the door, I put my trembling hand on the doorknob, only to have the door held shut.

"You don't have to be ashamed of crying love, sit back down and let it all out," Ashton said softly, lightly holding my hand. As soon as we sat back on the bed, I buried my head in his chest and sobbed.

And sobbed.

And sobbed.

He ran his fingers gently through my hair and rubbed my back. His arms were strong and I felt certain he could keep his promise.

"Hey Emily, good,"-

Luke stopped at the doorway to take in what he saw before coming over.

He laid down on the bed. Ashton's grip loosened and I laid next to Luke, not having any tears left to cry.