brave//5SOS

20

Michael

Calum, Ashton and I sat in his office, talking about he results. If we started chemo quickly, we could handle it a lot better.

"It's ALL, she's gonna get so sick you guys," Ashton said, clutching his hair as he ran his hand through.

Calum and I looked at each other before looking back to Ashton. We all loved Emily, but her and Ash had always been closest. Luke and Emily had the fun, bouncy side but Emily instinctively went to Ashton for a lot of things.

She meant the world to him. Seeing her having to fight all this for the third time... it was awful.

"She's going to be fighting so much, all she will do is stress,"

"Remember she's not the only one fighting," Calum said, putting his arm round Ashton's shoulder.

"Luke is looking after her whenever we can't, all our attention can be on her when it needs to me. With the right help, she can get through this," I said, jumping at a knock on the door.

"Come in," Calum said.

Luke entered with a very teary Emily, who went straight to Ashton. The tension rose even more in the room.

He stood up and held her head in his chest, running his hands through her hair. It wasn't hard to tell that she was struggling to breathe.

"Sit down with Ashton, Emily, you're safe," I said quietly, watching her follow my instructions.

"Don't let go," she said clearly, gripping onto his shirt.

"I'm not letting go darling, I'm not letting go. What would make you feel better right now?"

"All of us going home and eating pizza," she mumbled, laughing a little, "more pizza,"

"Can you hang on ten more minutes? If you and Michael sit in the heated car while I finish up, we can get home quickly,"

I took her hand, alarmed by how cold she was, and took her to the car. Instead of us sitting in the front, I turned the heating on and made her sit with me in the back.

I found a cover in Ashton's car and covered her with it, pulling my phone out. Surprisingly, she leant into me. She'd never been to cuddly with me, we preferred to just talk. It was a good balance because she was with the others, and I really didn't mind.

I wrapped my arm round her which made her fully put her weight on me.

"Do you feel cold?" I asked, feeling her nod. There were no other blankets in the car so I took off my coat and wrapped it round her, pulling her onto my lap.

"I'm not ready to do this again. I know I keep saying this but this time around, I don't even have my mum,"

I pulled the cover over her shoulder and rubbed her back.

"It's ok to keep saying it Emily, as long as you know deep down that you can get through it,"

"Whether it's me or someone else, it's taken over my life. I hate it Michael, I hate it," she stressed, scrunching her hands into fists and hitting my chest.

I gently took her hand in my own and held it, waiting for her to calm down.

"We'll try to treat you as normally as possible, it's just stressful for us too and when we are trying to save your life, not treating you as someone whose life is on the line while it actually is... it's not our main priority. Do you understand where I'm coming from?"

She nodded and turned round, looking at Calum who climbed in next to us. I let him sit between us.

"Are you cold?" Luke chuckled, looking back at her.

She nodded and closed her eyes, leaning on Calum.

"Hey, we can't nap yet ok? Stay awake for me Emily," Calum said quietly, shaking her shoulder. She whined and rubbed her eyes groggily.

"When does my chemo start?" she asked, slipping her hand into Calum's. Luke looked out the window.

I was scared about his reaction, more than Ash's, because he was good at convincing himself it was okay.

"In two days sweetheart. The first couple of rounds will be in your back," Ashton said, stopping at a red light and looking back.

"This sucks," she mumbled.

"I know, we've got this though Emily," he said, briefly holding her hand before he needed to drive again.

Once we got home, Calum cuddled her on the sofa, neither of them saying anything. I sat in the sofa, knees tucked up.

The house was really tense. Everyone was exhausted. We were all dreading what would happen in two days time.

"Tom doesn't know yet... Calum I can't tell him but I can't do this without him," she panicked, searching for her phone.

"Stop panicking Emily, Ashton told him... he can come over tomorrow if you want?"

She nodded and started to relax in his arm. Within her eyes, there was a distant look, which meant her mind was spinning.

"Sometimes I find it hard to stop panicking, I can't do it,"

"I know, I really do. You can talk to us, or we can get someone else to talk to- sometimes it's easier," Calum said.

"I don't want to talk to someone else, I only trust you guys,"

"We aren't the only people in the world you can trust though, Emily, there will be other people," I reminded.

"My brother is going to hate me, it's like I have a choice to go through this," she said, tearing up at the thought.

"He doesn't even have to be part of your life anymore, he barely was before. If he says anything about it, I will make sure it never happens again,"

"Fuck cancer," she mumbled, wiping my tears.

"Yeah, fuck cancer,"