art || vkook || discontinued

i hate you

the call with yoongi doesn’t last long, the oldest of the three quickly asking for taehyung’s address so that he can get to the youngest. once taehyung hits the red end call button and returns jungguk’s phone, silence falls. it’s neither comfortable nor awkward, just silence. neither man knows what to say, but they know that something needs to be said. in a matter of moments, taehyung went from stranger to saviour. jungguk plays with his fingers, eyes trained on his lap, and taehyung takes this opportunity to study the younger. he finds the boy’s features to be alluring. they’re soft, almost childlike, and taehyung can’t pull his eyes away. he can’t fathom how a boy he met only minutes ago has captured his attention so completely.

taehyung doesn’t know how long he’s staring for, but he feels relieved when he’s able to catch himself before jungguk notices. his cheeks burn red as he turns away, embarrassed at himself. once he is recomposed, taehyung decides that he needs to get to know the boy sitting beside him. he takes a deep breath and turns back to jungguk, finding it difficult to break the silence, though a moment later he discovers that he doesn’t have to.

“i’m sorry.” jungguk finally looks up, glancing over at taehyung.

“for what?”

“all of this. it’s a mess. i’m a mess.” he reaches his hand up to his hair, pulling harshly. “it was supposed to be quick and easy. one foot after the other, it was supposed to end, taehyung, but now you’ve gotten roped into this shit even though an hour ago i didn’t even know that you existed.” jungguk’s eyes dart up to the ceiling as he inhales deeply, trying with all his might not to cry. “i don’t even know why you stopped me. i’m just a pathetic, worthless, child, taehyung, and i’m fucking miserable. i just want it to be over.” he tugs harder at his hair as tears begin to cascade down his cheeks.

taehyung, with his heart in his throat and water in his eyes, reaches up and removes jungguk’s hands from his head, grasping them tightly within his own. “look at me, jungguk.” the boy’s eyes remain downcast, trained on the floor. “jungguk, please.” the younger squeezes his eyes shut for a brief moment before looking upward, shyly meeting taehyung’s gaze. “you are not worthless, nor are you pathetic, you’re sad, and that’s perfectly okay. it’s okay, jungguk, because there are people who will move heaven and earth for you, who will do whatever it takes to help you get better. and i know that i just met you, but, from now on, i will be here for you. you don’t have to go through this alone.” jungguk leans forward and places his head on taehyung’s shoulder, trying to steady his breathing. the older removes one of his hands from the boy’s weak grasp, moving it to his back and rubbing soothing circles into the cloth of his large white shirt.

“i’m sorry, i’m so sorry.” jungguk repeats the words continuously as taehyung gently hushes him. it doesn’t take long to calm him down this time, and once he does, taehyung quickly speaks before he regrets his next decision.

“i want to show you something, c’mon.” he pulls jungguk up by the hand and leads him away from the sofa, into one of the apartment’s bedrooms. “there’s three of us living here right now, but it used to be four. he moved to america about a year ago, said he needed some space from his family. apparently, he needed a lot of space.” jungguk giggles slightly at the statement, and taehyung decides that it’s his new favorite sound. “when he left i managed to convince the other two to let me use the room instead of finding someone else to fill it, and i thought, maybe, i should show you what i use it for.”

when the white door swings open, jungguk is left speechless. inside are housed dozens of canvases, buried in heaps of colorful paint. the room reeks of the chemical colors and has paintbrushes scattered across the stained carpet. “i told you earlier that i’d been in your shoes, and it wasn’t a lie. i know what it’s like to want to die, jungguk, but i found a way to drown out the voices.” he doesn’t need to continue, he can tell that jungguk understands his words.