Felicidade

21. Winter in my heart...

" In my dreams there was the sound of snow crashing in the window pane.
The sound of firewood cracking inside the fireplace.
Sounds of wild night owls in the pine forest.
And the sound of his breathing meeting mine.
with each ups and downs, each kiss, each paces of him into mine.
I was silent, but there was a sound hurricane running in my mind,
cutting through the silence of the stormy winter night."

Poem courtesy:
Sia1701

There's a saying, "Don't get burnt by the same fire twice." May be it's not eligible for me. I'm like an insect that jumps into the fire by itself even after knowing that it'll die in the flame. The previous one was a touch of that heat in my life. Jin turned out to be a goddamn wildfire, burning up my whole existence.

Yesterday was the first snowfall of 2018 in Suwon and it was bad. It was heavy and it has left the normal life abrupt for today. The snowfall has affected me the most may be. I can't get up from my bed. I was curled up and was sobbing throughout the night. Diya came and knocked on the door many times and called me even to unlock the door. I just left her a text,

"Leave me alone for today please."

She understood may be. She didn't call me again. I'm scared to face a new day somehow. It's our field trip day and I have to go back to that office today anyhow because last 2 days were a total blank for me. At this rate I won't be able to catch up with the vast research project. How am I supposed to face that devilish angel again?

Diya is knocking at the door again. "Ridhi, please open the door now. This is too much. You haven't even eaten anything since yesterday. You have to get ready for trip too. What are you even doing to yourself?"

I sit up and clutch my hair with my hands. It feels like someone has banged my head against a mountain. It is paining too much.

I go and open the door for her. Diya storms in and jumps on me and hug me as hard as she can...

"Diya I'm fine. Trust me. I'm fine."

"No, you're not fine. What did Jin do to you last night that made you end up in such a horrible state?"

I try to control my tears but hearing his name made me burst out in tears. I fall on the ground and for the first time since yesterday I start crying horribly.

"Diya, I love him. I loved him even before coming here. He's the sole reason that I'm in Korea right now. I feel like I can't spend a moment without him. And last night he rejected me in such a way that I'm even scared to face him now."

Diya looks dumbstruck. She was bound to have this reaction after hearing this.

"Please explain. You've got many things to explain. How did you know him before coming here?"

I start saying everything to her while sobbing continuously. I can't control. My emotions are all over the place.

I want him to be mine. I want to show him everything that I have kept hidden inside my soul. I want to make him the happiest person of this world. I just want to have him all so badly.

But, I heard this somewhere. A broken star can't shine in the same way as the sun. May be shinning is not in my destiny.