Method of Desire

Chapter 13

I headed to the New York Library to study for my next exam. I walked through the large halls and past the people studying quietly.

I found a little nook to study in and opened up my books. Suddenly, I heard steps behind me.

When I looked, it was Tony from the Actor's Studio. He wore his seemingly signature turtleneck, and his slacks were perfectly pressed.

"Didn't expect to see you here." Tony said as he sat next to me. "Our conversation was cut a little short last I saw you."

"Marlon can be... eccentric." I laughed and he chuckled along with me. He placed his book on the table, Acting From Reality.

I looked as he quietly opened it, and it looked as if it was any other textbook. "What do you guys study?"

"How to be a star, and channel our craft." Tony answered, adjusting the tip of his turtleneck. It grazed along his scruffy stubble.

"If you're an actor, how do I know you're not acting with me?" I asked. "Do you genuinely think of me as an okay person or do you find me repulsive?"

"You're the most disgusting creature I've ever come across." Tony answered in a serious voice. I stared at him, and we were silent for a second.

Tony bursted out laughing. "That's the craft."

"I was about to say if you don't stop—" I laughed and we laughed together.

"It's not as simple as making faces and such. It's much more than that, and it takes practice and study." Tony said as he looked at his book. "It even takes exercising, it's like a muscle."

"I never see Marlon practicing. He just bothers me." I joke and Tony laughed.

"Trust me, he practices with us. He went to The New School but got kicked out for bad behavior." Tony laughed.

"Is that true?" I asked in shock and Tony nodded with a laugh.

"And you know what, I believe it because he often finds himself—" Tony began but then stopped. He looked down at his lap. "Well I shouldn't tell you all of this... he's going steady with you."

"Far from it." I corrected him.

Tony looked up at me with risen eyebrows. "Oh, I see. Then you already know what I'm talking about."

"Did he make love to you too?" I asked and Tony furrowed his eyebrows.

"What? No!" Tony defensively denied. "People have been saying he's been boinking J. Dean for the longest."

I pierced my lips together, I obviously was not supposed to say that.

"I know he rock and rolls with the girls but... men? No. He's a man's man." Tony said. Oh, toxic masculinity. "It's Jamesy who seems to have a thing for guys."

"Well if you somehow found out that either or have been with men, how would you feel?" I asked.

"Eh... it'd be shocking of course. But, between you and I— I guess it wouldn't be too bad. Not eternal damnation bad, you feel?" Tony said with a risen brow.

I nodded and thought about what Tony said. He seemed to have potential for understanding things that were outside of the norm.

We walked out of that library together, and decided to spend the day.

At dusk, we found ourselves on 5th Avenue. Windows at Sax 5th Avenue were lit up with bright yellow bulbs and decorated for the season.

"There's no other place in the world like New York." Tony said, admiring the windows. "I come from Jersey and let me tell ya, it's definitely not like this."

"I'm from Westchester, and it's much more country." I told him.

"You know, when I was a kid my old man used to tell me I'd never make it here. Well— now I'm here and living the dream." Tony smiled. "In New York!" He shouted.

"With my girl." A voice said. Marlon stood with his coat on and a scarf tucked in his coat. He wore brown leather gloves, and stuffed his hands in his coat pockets.

"Your girl?" I asked with a risen brow. "You love to take ownership when I'm exercising my freedom."

"How long have you been smashing her?" Marlon asked with furrowed eyebrows, putting a cigarette between his lips.

"I haven't—"

"Do you have a light?" Marlon asked, totally disregarding what Tony was going to say.

"Marlon, just listen!" I shouted and Tony lifted a match to Marlon's cigarette. "We haven't done that. We're just friends."

"You know what, Pat? Maybe I should get going." Tony said as I backed away. I frowned as he walked off, obviously upset.

Marlon blew his cigarette smoke right in my face. "Pattie, I can't believe you're making rounds around my school."

"Your school? How many schools have you been in Marlon?" I asked with crossed arms. He furrowed eyebrows and held his cigarette between his fingers.

"What do you mean, how many schools I've been in?" He asked condescendingly.

"Why is Tony the one to tell me you went to the New School and then dropped out? Why don't I know anything about you?" I shouted back at him.

"You know what, Pattie!?" He shouted.

"Pat!" I fought back.

"Patricia!" Marlon shouted my full name as if I was a child. Suddenly, I was silent.

"Since when was my past your goddamn business?" He asked.

"Since you decided my body was yours!

"Your joy-hole has been mine since the day I laid eyes on you. I knew you were mine and would always be mine!" Marlon shouted.

"Well I don't want to belong to you! I only exist for me!" I screamed in his face, stepping toward him.

He silently looked into my eyes. I looked dominantly up at him.

"You got some spunk, Pattie." He answered back. "You really got some spunk."

"Then respect me as such." I told him. He took one last huff, then put out his cigarette on the stone building of Sax 5th Avenue.

"You know, the tree is already up. How would you like to go see it with me? Like a... a normal get together. Between a boy and a girl." Marlon asked.

"Like a date?" I asked hopefully.

"I uh... I don't do dates. But a get together. Almost romantic." He stuttered on. This was the first time he wasn't exactly sure as to what to say or do.

He ran his fingers through his brown hair then offered his arm for me to wrap mine around. I looked at it, and pondered whether or not I should take it.

Could it be that Marlon was finally willing to treat me correctly?