Method of Desire

Chapter 36*

We waited all night for Marlon to return. All we wanted was for him to come through the door. There was no sign of him.

I looked down at James as he slept under the bed sheets. I tip-toed out of the bedroom silently, and stood in front of Wally's room door.

I knocked, and there was no answer. I knocked again, still no answer. Once I knocked a third time, the door pushed open.

It was clean inside, he was a neat guy. A few feet from the wall was a projector, and a tape was already inside and wound back. I looked at the projector and wondered if I should press play.

My finger pushed down the tricky button, and the light cams on. The projector buzzed with life and an image appeared.

My hand went over my mouth, it was me. I laughed and looked at the camera. I didn't have a top on. I spun in a circle, and in the next shot I was bending over with my butt to the camera. I was peeling my panties over my ass, and flung it at the camera man.

I shook as I watched the next shot of me lying on my back, touching myself. The next shot was close to my face, as I closed my eyes.

This must've been why Marlon was so angry at me. He found out exactly what happened at Paul's apartment because he saw it.

I wondered why Paul would ever give Marlon this reel. He said he wouldn't share it with anyone.

I walked into the living room and picked up my purse. My hand slid inside and brushed around. I nodded, and got ready to leave.

I didn't even take the time to change, throwing on my coat over my robe I found myself heading out of the door. The train burrowed down to The Village, and I stood in front of Paul's building.

I knocked on his front door, and it opened just an inch. His blue eyes peered out from the other side of the door, his shoulder was bare. He wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Patricia?" He asked. I had tear filled eyes, but I managed to give him a warm smile.

"Paul." I said in a warm voice. I slowly pressed my hand to the door, pushing it out. Paul backed up as he smiled and welcomed me. He wore nothing but pajama pants in that fancy, Greenwich apartment.

"Paul." I said softly once again, shutting the door. I shrugged off my coat, revealing my neglige.

"Here for another film?" Paul laughed. I forced a smile, trying to play along.

"What happened to the last one?" I asked and Paul looked nervous.

"You told me I could do whatever I wanted with it. A friend who came over watched it with me, I can't help but brag about you." Paul chuckled and I laughed, stepping in closer.

With every step I took forward, Paul stepped back. "You know, he enjoyed it so much, he asked for it."

"And you gave it to him?" I asked, stepping closer to him.

"You don't understand, I didn't exactly have a choice. This friend of mine has bigger friends in higher places." Paul answered, now he was against the wall. I stood in front of him. "Why do you bring it up?"

"It somehow got into he hands of Marlon." I told Paul, clutching my purse.

"Marlon? How did he get it?" Paul honestly asked.

"You made me hurt him so much... so much." I said a little too calmly. My hand slipped into my purse, and I pulled out the revolver Marlon got me.

Paul was silent and still, as if the breath was taken out of his body. His lips were parted as the metal barrel touched his stomach.

"Patricia, I don't know why you have that gun pointing at me, but you don't want to do this." Paul said nervously.

"You know what? I know what happened. You probably gave it to George." I said with tears falling down my cheeks.

"I had no choice— he's a... how do you know George?" Paul asked in total confusion.

"And now here we are. Marlon saw our reel, George killed Marlon and now I have a revolver against your chest." I laughed, and Paul looked concerned.

"Patricia, if you calm down... we can handle this in a smart way." Paul advised. "George is a gangster, and I had no choice but to give it to him. He said it's either I got him a tape or I was done."

"So you film a dirty movie with a girl, making her think it's between the two of you when really it was for someone else?" I cried, my hands shaking against that gun. "I should just shoot you."

"Now— calmly explain how Marlon is involved in all of this." Paul insisted as he stood there against that wall.

"George has a hatred for Marlon for no reason!" I cried out.

"How does he know Marlon?" Paul asked and I cried more.

"I don't know, they seem to have know each other before me." I sniffled. "And now you're going to be a memory."

"Patricia—" Paul shouted and with my eyes squeezed shut, I pulled the trigger.

Click.

I opened my eyes, and Paul had his eyes shut as well. He grabbed my wrist and I screamed out.

"Are you fucking crazy!?" He asked, we sunk to the ground against the wall as I tried to hold onto the pistol. His back was to the wall as we laid there and his arms were wrapped around me as we wrestled for the gun.

"Let me see that thing, this is a toy you obviously can't handle." Paul reprimanded. He popped the cylinder out of the revolver. "You has it loaded in the wrong chamber?"

I cried out hysterically, and Paul angrily threw the gun across the room. He held both of my wrists as I laid between his legs.

"You tried to fucking kill me because a bad man got your latest fuck? Are you crazy Patricia!?!" He screamed. "What else does he do for you?"

"I'm sorry!" I shouted out.

"You're sorry! You were about to put a bullet in my ribs and all you can say is sorry!" Paul angrily shouted. He released my wrists, and with tears streaming down my cheeks I began crawling away.

"I'm so sorry." I repeated, my ass facing him as I crawled away.

He pulled my leg and I fell flat on the ground. He straddled me, and I was shocked.

"You don't know what love is, Patricia." Paul said sternly. "And I'm going to show it to you."

"I want Marlon, you're just a toy!" I shouted.

"I'm going to love you Patricia, the way a girl like you should be loved and understood. Marlon isn't good for you, and you're going to see it after I love you." Paul insisted. He got off of me, standing up.

I stood up, and Paul did as well. He grabbed me and left a long, heavy kiss on my lips. I kissed him back, and Paul looked down at me.

"I'm going to be the man in your life now." Paul said, and kissed me again.