Treat You Better [A Divergent story]

CHAPTER 37

TRIS

"I was a bit nervous about today," Zack confesses as I take a sip from my wine. It's a Friday and I'm definitely going to sleep in tomorrow. I need a good nights rest which I have lately been deprived of but this evening has relaxed me enough.

"I can't imagine why."

"For starters, it was unusual for me or anyone to ask a girl out at a funeral?" He says it like a question and I catch my snort in time. Zack's demeanour was certainly not called for when he took me out for ice cream but I didn't see any harm in meeting new people even though the dating didn't work out.

"Christina called me that day," he says a bit seriously. "She wasn't happy that I left and all-the-more just took you with me."

"Oh," I say not knowing how to respond. I purse my lips, "We aren't ... in our best places right now."

He nods. "She had hoped you'd talk? She was definitely mad that I asked you out on a date when you were vulnerable and I thought an apology was in order."

As relaxing and fun this evening with Zack has been - what with his carefree and fun spirit that he probably acquired from being a travelling photographer and a blogger where he keeps meeting new people - my mind flits to Tobias. I try to keep my thoughts from straying any further but Will's accident is not something I could easily get over. I've also had a fair share of nightmares.

"I'm sorry if I said something wrong. Are you okay?" Zack looks worried and I realise I must look pale as my hand shakes a little.

"I'm fine. Excuse me, I'll be right back." I make my way to the restrooms and once there, splash some water on my face. I take a few deep breaths.

I should have made a full disclosure about my situation to Zack before I agreed to this date. We'd only spoken about our jobs and our life, mostly him recollecting memorable stories and hilarious ones such as those where a dolphin him and his coworker were swimming with managed to steal his camera and snag his friend's swimming trunks, leaving him naked.

Recalling that conversation helps me calm down a little and I try to think of happier things from when my life wasn't a mess. Christina and Will meeting in the food-court of a mall and flirting by sending each other their choices of drinks, but realising that it wasn't feasible as Christina had to run to the washrooms. It was a good day.

I make a resolve to talk to Zack and tell him that tonight has been fun, but we can't fit together in a way we hoped we could, not when I'm not in my right mind. But it is almost like he has been a rebound after Tobias and I in an unspoken way broke up. 'Broke up' shouldn't be the word as it sounds so insignificant in front of what we had for so many years, despite only dating for a few months - three to be exact.

I smile at Zack as I take my seat again and assure him that he did nothing wrong to make me react unnaturally.

We retire our night with taking a walk through a park. I rub my hands in the cold and pull my jacket closer. I breath visible puffs of air and Zack does it to, laughing at our antics.

"Zack, today was nice," I start.

"There's a but, isn't there?" there humour in his voice.

"Well, a lot of things happened this month and... I really have to let you down gently. You're an amazing guy and I really had a good time but, I don't want to lead you on any further because I have been too much into my head lately," I say, flustered from what I'm about to tell him due to withholding the information previously.

"Just say it Tris, I won't mind whatever you tell me. Just know that this doesn't mean goodbye. You're an amazing person,too."

I smile at that. "Me and my... ex-boyfriend broke up the night of the accident. We have a lot of past and I am not ready to move on so quickly. I may not be ever. I miss him, you know," I quietly say and avert my eyes. I deserve to be judged for leading another man on when Tobias was so much more than a 'boyfriend'. There's a deep ache in my chest and I blink to rid my eyes of the icy tears.