baggy sweatshirt ON PAUSE // joshler au

c h a p t e r t w o //lunch room

i still feel embarrassed about laughing out loud in english, and brendon bugging me about the party he's throwing this weekend was not helping

we finally reach our table that held the rest of our friends, of course dallon jumping all over brendon as soon as we reach the area

i knew my friends would support me if i came out to them as bisexual, but it gives me anxiety thinking about it, so i tend to push those feelings away. i told myself, no boys for a whole year, being straight will cause my parents less stress. we can't have them being stressed, especially now.

to clear up some confusion, my parents aren't living together, no they are not divorced. it's just that my dad had to get a job in flordia to support the family. once i graduate and leave for college, my mom and the rest of my siblings will move to flordia with my dad. i feel guilty that im the one keeping them separated, but it's my senior year and they don't want to do that to me. so since they're making scarifies for me, i figured it was only fair to act straight and deny the feelings i have for boys to make them happy

my parents know, and they say they support me, but whenever something bad happens to me socially, for example: not being invited somewhere, they say it's because i've dated guys and people think it's weird. i've told them countless times before that no one cares, but now im starting to second guess myself.

i was once again ripped from my thoughts due to brendon throwing a fry at me

"hey asswipe, what's got you looking all sad and shit"

i plastered on a fake smile,

"nothing dickwad, just tired as hell and so not ready for this history test next period"

this time my other best friend ashley speaks up, her blue hair vibrant as ever

"me too! i can't believe he only gave us two days to study for it after teaching it, the nerve!"

ashley threw her hands up in air in the most extra way possible, hitting someone in the process

"ohmygoshimsosorryareyouokay" ashley stammered out whiping (YA YEET) herself around to look at the person

i was too busy laughing my ass off at my flustered friend to notice who exactly she had hit

that was until brendon stepped on my toe

"ow man! what the fu-" i stopped mid sentence seeing those hot chocolate eyes that i adored so much

he looked hurt

i smiled apologetically, trying my best to not pass out right then and there

"it's okay" he said placing a hand on ashley's shoulder, attempting to calm her down

he may have been speaking to her, but he looked me right in the eyes when he said those two words

i swear, his voice is from an angle itself