baggy sweatshirt ON PAUSE // joshler au

c h a p t e r s e v e n t e e n //run

song- "alone forever" by hobo johnson

josh continues to stare at the brunette wide eyed not knowing what to say. he feels as if his heart was quite literally being ripped out of his god damn chest. "why tyler?" was all the boy could utter out. deep down he knew why. look at him, a purple haired freak. when he saw tyler in the halls or in class he had no idea he'd be the kind of person that breaks hearts. but josh always got the good ones.

"josh, i swear, i really can explain." tyler pleads looks up at the boy. he was so fucking stupid! how could he do this to josh? he knew bringing jenna home would be a bad idea. his intention was to break up with her. but as soon and they got to tyler's room she was all over him, and he gave in. they're both to blame. if he could just explain this to josh and tell him how sorry he was everything would be okay, right? but before he could say anything else josh was gone in an instant.

josh ran out the front door, slamming it of course and headed straight for his car.

what the fuck. i knew we weren't together, but- we kissed. my first kiss at that. what a fucking asshole! i always knew him and jenna were off and on... but then why did he tell me he was gay? was it to get in my pants? to convince me that someone would like me? i cant think straight. i need to get out of my car, like right now.

to say he was destroyed inside and out is an understatement. josh really liked tyler, like a lot. there had to be something missing from the whole situation. but for now, josh didn't want to hear what tyler had to say. all he could do was get away.

start the song

josh pulls over on the side of the road and parks it randomly.

suddenly, he flings the door open and starts running. he doesn't know where or for how long. but he just runs. his feet hit the pavement  at a steady pace taking him far away.

left

right

left

right

left

right

josh's turns the corner running down the next street and then the next and then the next. the wind rushing past him filling his ears

woosh, woosh, woosh

everything out of his peripheral vision was a blurry mess. he could feel the tears in his eyes, he didn't want to cry over tyler but he couldn't help it

i'm gonna be alone forever

josh continued the running. he couldn't stop. nothing would stop him. there he was, just running and running and running and running.

it wasn't until he came across a park he stopped. he stood there with his hands on his knees bent over himself. he was hyperventilating now. his breath was ragged and he could barely breathe. apparently at some point he sat himself on the ground. his arms wrapped around himself, almost trying to keep everything and only him in. once his breathing was regular he stood up

josh was screaming. he couldn't quit screaming. he pulled at his hair and thrashed his arms around.

"WHY? WHY ME? WHY ME GOD? WHY DID YOU PICK ME TO FUCK OVER?"

josh was somewhat religious. he believed there was a greater essence that controlled the domino effect. but he wasn't sure exactly what that greater being was. all he knew is that he was pissed at it. he couldn't take it. no, not anymore. but he was defeated. he had nothing more in him. he was empty. he stopped screaming and made his way over to a tree that was near the park. he then started climbing. climbing up up up to the sky till he feels his soul start leaving. he needed to clear his mind he needed to asses the situation. once he was satisfied with his place in the tree he just sat there, back to the trunk, legs dangling.

so if he lays it all out this is what the situation is like. jenna went away for vacation. tyler was bored so tyler made josh think he was into him. tyler knew josh liked him, so he took advantage. the purple haired boy fell for it. him and tyler hung out. tyler kissed him. josh got more attached. tyler realized and kept his distance. jenna returns, tyler throws josh to the side like the piece of shit he is.

joshua had concluded by this end of this that he never wanted to see tyler again and that he'd be

alone forever