my hair at the moment is bright purple and i'm honestly living for it
i throw on some dark blue jeans, with a white shirt, putting a blue flannel on top of that, and finishing it off with my black and white vans
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damn you look good, dun
i take one last glance in the mirror and head out to my car, driving to brendon's place
+
i will admit, i've had a few drinks
but fear not! i can hold my own, so i feel nothing
yet
i notice a table with beer pong set up
"hell yeah! hey b, play beer pong with me!"
brendon agrees, but then smiles mischievously before shouting
"hey joseph, get your boy sivan over here and play a round of beer pong with me and dun! winner gets a blow job from joshua himself, or even if you lose, it's up to you"
brendon winks at tyler and then faces me
"brendon what he fuck!" i whisper shout "not cool man, not cool"
sooner or later tyler is dragging troye over to the table
"i'll play, but i'm gonna have to deny your offer, joshua. i'm not gay"
not yet, i think to myself
"oh- uh- that was all brendon, i didn't even know you were gonna play with us, me either by the way. about being gay, not me, nope"
brendon shoves me lightly and tells me to chill under his breathe, while tyler gives me a questioning look as i ramble on about not being gay
i can feel the blush slowing rising from my neck to my cheeks
i really need to work on my lying skills
wait, i'm not gay
i'm straight. that's what my parents want
right?
i down a shot of vodka, starting the game
+
tyler is drunk off his ass, as well as troye and brendon.
me? same fuckin thing.
brendon offers for us to stay the night, troye and tyler decline saying they'll catch an uber
i decline their decline and tell them that, that is not safe at all and that they will keep their asses at brendon's until they sober up
+
it is currently, two in the morning and i'm finally sober
tyler is passed out on the couch, him and troye ended up cuddling i guess
now that i'm sober i realize how much that hurts my whole ass heart
i never realized how much i really liked tyler
josh, you can't like him
it's too late into the night, and i'm sober and aware of my own thoughts
i'm shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts
this is not good, i need to do something
anything that will get rid of these demons that are invading me
i decide that a late night walk will do
+
as i arrive back at brendon's i see that it is now four in the morning
brendon and troye are still passed out, but tyler is awake, rummaging through the kitchen
"hey"
god, i could never get used to that voice
"what's up, tyler, did you sleep okay?"
silence
"sure"
"okay"
the beautiful boy turned around slowly walking back to the living room
"troye get up, we gotta go"
the petite boy stood up slowly, walking with tyler to his car
