Timekeeper

7. I was there!

I couldn't get those words out of my head. Virgil thinks I don't care for him. On top of that, he thinks of me as a parent. I was as important to him as Patton was, and he thought I didn't care. Just what the hell have I been doing... Working, that's what I have been doing. I was so lost in thought, I hadn't even noticed that Chris had done that thing he does and that I was no longer in Virgil's room.

"I wonder if Logan would decorate a tree with us." I opened my eyes at the sound of Virgil's voice and sighed. I looked around to see I was in the living room. 

"I don't know, kiddo." I turned to see Patton coming through with a plate of cookies and hot chocolate. Virgil smiled as he took a cup and took a sip. I've been here before. I saw all this. Why was... wait, Where did Chris go again?! "I honestly don't know."

"I'm sure he'll come around. By the way, where's Roman?" 

"He's... in his room." Virgil's smile faltered a bit as Patton pulled Virgil in, rubbing his arm reassuringly. "Don't worry kiddo. I'm sure whatever is keeping him away is very important."

"But he was the one who wanted me to be a part of all this. He even asked me in person this time. Yet all he ever does is hide away in his room." It's fine. Everything will be fine. I helped Roman with his problem. We fixed the figurine. He'll be at the party, so don't worry ok, Virgil. Don't worry. "Dad?"

 I looked over to see Patton once again staring at me and I got scared again. Seriously where is Chris? I need some answers here.  

"Sorry, you were saying?" Virgil groan as he started to turn away. I watched as he pulled his hood up and started to close himself off. "I'm sorry, Kiddo. I know how you feel but I promise you Roman isn't going to miss the party for anything."

"That's what you said about the trees too." Patton once again pulled him in close and Virgil leaned into Patton as the tears started to fall. "Are you sure that Logan won't come?"

My eyes went wide and I involuntarily took a step forward. Virgil was crying uncontrollably, and I didn't understand why. Emotions are a foreign subject for me. If it were a class, I'd have failed it ten times over... a hundred times over. It's not exactly something you can study for, and my flash cards are willed with vocab and new age lingo that makes no sense.

"I'm sorry kiddo. Christmas just isn't his thing." Virgil pulled away and just stood there shaking.

"It's not Christmas that's the problem."

"Virgil, we spoke about this." Virgil shook his head furiously and my heart sank.

"He just doesn't give a shit about any of us. He fucking hates us not Christmas!"

"Language!" Patton yelled as he stood there wide-eyed. I was in shock. He seriously thinks I don't care for them. He thinks I hate them. I don't hate them. I'm just always so busy. At that moment in time, I'm literally trying to fix Virgil's gift with Roman. I just can't understand why he thinks so little of me. "Logan loves us. He just doesn't show it the same way as I do. He can't..."

"Your right. He doesn't show it the same way because he doesn't feel the same way. Morality you're in denial." The use of his other name cause Patton to take a step back. Virgil ended up running away and I followed closely behind. I had a bad feeling about all of this. Virgil got to his room and just collapsed, sliding down the door in a rush of tears. I knelt beside him, reaching out but it was pointless. He couldn't feel me. I wasn't actually there.

I watched as he slowly got up and walked over to his desk. He pulled this book out of his drawer and just stared at it. My heart dropped. It was a Sherlock Holmes novel. The one Patton asked to borrow and never gave back. I guess I know where it went off too. I watched as he opened his door and chucked it at mine... And now I understand why I found it there after coming back from Roman's.

"Stupid fucking Teacher. Always to god damn busy to give a shit." I just stood there. I didn't know what to do... or say... or think... I was frozen. "It doesn't matter. Fuck you too, mister. Hope you rot under all those papers."

"Do you understand now?" I turned to see Chris standing next to me. I was too upset to even ask where he had been. "Do you see how hurt he is? How angry? He's given up?"

"Why does he think I hate him?" Chris looked over at me and sighed. I already knew the answer. I just wanted him to confirm it.

"You're never around." Virgil crawled underneath the covers and I could hear as he started to cry again. It broke my heart. It literally broke my heart. I could hold back the tears that spilled from my eyes.

"Send me back." Chris shook his head and I started to snap. "Chris send me back now!"

"And what? What are you going to do, Logan? He gave up on you." Hearing those words hurt worse than the tears. "You have to earn his trust back, Logan. You have to let him call the shots. You have to let him see you actually care. You have to be there!"

"I am there!" I yelled. Chris just got this stern look on his face and I felt my self cower underneath it.

"You're a figure behind a door... A voice down the hall... A name on a sheet of paper... A promise that fell through. You are not there, Logan... and you never were."